|Life would be SO much easier |
if God had given me 6 hands!
And when do I feel the most guilt? When my maternity leave ends, and my numbered days of doing nothing but cuddling, nursing, and changing my baby are over and "real life" begins again. (Reality check: I know SAHMs have to do waaay more than that every day, but while we are recovering from the delivery, we are all told to do nothing more than that. Oh, and "sleep when baby sleeps", LOL. Yeah, like that can happen after baby #1!)
ANYWAY, yesterday was my first day back at work since January 7th. It was crazy. It was also kinda cool; I spoke with customers who apparently (and surprisingly!) missed me! It felt good to be missed. That helped ease the guilt some. I am also very spoiled and blessed with the job I have because Baby S was able to come to work with me. This is a HUGE blessing, since I don't have to leave him nor pump while at work. And I am eternally grateful to God for providing me with this opportunity and to my boss for being so flexible with me. He told me once the reason he wants to be flexible with me, though, is because he understands the conflict a working mom struggles with, and he wants to help me have "the best of both worlds" as much as possible. A HUMUNGOUS BLESSING! I know. So what's the problem?
It's that small voice inside that starts berating me for all I don't do. I read blogs or facebook updates from SAHMs about all the cool crafty activities they did with their kids that day and I whine, "why didn't I think of that?!" Then my son comes home from a field trip crying "I wish you had come!" and my heart breaks. His field trip fell on the day I had committed to be back at work, but how do you explain that to a 6 year old? Finally, I look around my house at the tornado of a mess it has become and I feel like the worst mom ever. My kids are gonna grow up thinking their mom flunked Mom 101 class.
But the Truth I know is this: God only expects me to do my best, and that is all He asks of me! So why do I demand more from myself?
So, tonight I Googled "Working Mom" and "Christian Working Mom" hoping to find some women who I'd have the most in common. So far all the blogs I have stumbled upon seem to be by SAHMs who are oh-so crafty and/or organized that I feel smaller and smaller each time I read their posts, making the guilt worse word by word! NOT their intended purpose, I'm sure, but it's what happens nonetheless. So, I had to find some blogs by moms like me. To my surprise, there weren't many! Most of them had not been updated in a year or two. Bummer. Then...
Lightbulb!!... (Shout out to the hilarious & delightful "Despicable Me")
...If I write it, maybe they will come! I sure hope so! Because we could use all the support we can get! LOL! No seriously, it can be tough sifting through the guilt, the jealousy and the lack of self confidence we women have in general, let alone the added (albeit self-perceived) defect of having to be a working mom. However, as a wise woman once told me:
"If you are alone with your thoughts, you believe everything you think"
We CANNOT try to do this on our own! Therefore, I commit to post more often to share with you how I am doing with my struggle, and what I am doing to handle it. I hope you will comment and share your struggles and insights as well, that way we can help lift each other up and help each other on our way.
Well, it's getting late, so I guess I better finish nursing the baby and try to get some sleep before the next feeding. Gotta get to work in the morning, you know. LOL.
PS:... Working moms, do you struggle with guilt over having to work? How do handle it? What do you do that helps?
...And to our Stay at Home counterparts, from what I hear from my friends, you have struggles of your own, as well. What do you struggle with? How do you handle it?
I'd love to hear from all of you!