Lately, it's about children. Orphans and Foster kids specifically. I can't get them out of my head. I can't get them out of my heart. We have been in our new house 2 weeks, and this place feels like the tip of the iceburg, like something HUGE is headed our way. Something HUGE, and possibly SCARY, but also very WONDERFUL.
Just "by chance" (or is it?) I have recently run into several blogs and blog posts about Foster children. One post in particular was titled "What if we'd said no?" It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt like she had written it just for me.
We have always felt the tug to adopt. Before we had kids, I think even while we were dating, we knew we'd adopt some day. When the adoption of my cousins in Colombia came up, we thought that was why, but then it fell apart after a year and a half. And we were broken hearted and confused. Then we lost our "Adoption home" and moved into a tiny ranch and were really confused.
But now, we are in another perfect "adoption home", with plenty of space for as many kids as God is willing to give us. And we felt like, when the time is right, we'll do it. He'll provide everything we need.
But lately, I am getting "that feeling" like That Time is Now, not years from now. And it is scary. So many questions...
- I already struggle to mother 4 kids with 2 jobs, how could I handle any more? Especially if they are hurting?
- We can barely make ends meet with what we have, how would we afford it?
- We just moved in! We aren't even unpacked! Would we even pass a Home Study?
- I still have soooo much to learn about cooking and organizing. My current kids just go with the flow, but how can I expect new kids to deal with this craziness? No, we'd never pass a Home Study!
But then this question....
What am I missing by saying no, not right now?
Oh goodness, Father, where are you taking us? I'm excited and scared.