I Seriously Need a Castle...

... And not because I want to feel like a princess, though that would be nice, too. No, the reason I need a castle is because I desperately want to adopt like, all the homeless/orphaned/under-loved kids in the world.

Photo for Puzzle Peace only. Do not copy or download.

I can't help it....

You see, Sweet Baby started smiling! And he smiles so much, like all the time, even during diaper changes! So I decided I'll start calling him Smily Boy, and I was just loving seeing his smile, after smile, after smile.

But suddenly, when I looked into his big bright eyes as I kissed him and told him how wonderful he is and how much I love him, I was suddenly (and then consistently) rushed with a flood of knowledge that there are waaay too any kids out there who are never kissed or hugged or told they are loved or wonderful. Or worse, they are often told they are worthless and unlovable.  Then my heart breaks. Over and over and over again.  (Am I messed up that a kiss on my new baby's cheek leads me to tears on a regular basis?)

My solution... Adopt them all!!! WaHoo! That would be AWESOME!!!

However, in the real world, that is quite impossible. I realize that.

BUT... If I had a castle, I totally could. And I would!

Until then, I gotta figure out what I CAN do to help those kids. Or else my heart won't stop breaking.


Any suggestions? 




PS: Share with us something you felt/feel strongly called/ drawn to. What are you doing to achieve  it or get closer towards achieving it? 

It must be a full moon...

All I can say is W-O-W. Tonight was the toughest night we have had in a looong time!! My kids were like possessed! IS there a full moon tonight? Um, no. OK, so maybe aliens abducted them and replaced them with temporary look-alikes? Hopefully my real kids will be back tomorrow. Yikes.

So, you wanna know what happened? Here we go...

It started this morning, when JP decided he didn't like the class snack I packed. (It is his week to bring snack to preschool.) He decided instead of animal crackers, he wanted to bring fruit cups. However, I explained to him that there were not enough fruit cups to take for the whole class. "Yes there are!" he yelled at me!  (Insert speech about how we DO NOT yell at mommy!) Then I explained "No, we need 12 to have enough for the whole class, and we only have 4."   "We have 12!!" He yelled again, holding up a pack of.. yep, 4!! WhAt wAs hE ThInKinG? Ahhh!  Yeah, that conversation went nowhere!

Then, after school, while I was feeding the baby, JP and PB proceeded to throw all the Legos and puzzle pieces out the back porch window!! WHY!?

THEN! While he was supposed to be outside picking up all those pieces, he proceeds to TEAR OFF THE LATTICE SURROUNDING THE BACK PORCH!! All in a matter of minutes, while I changed the baby's diaper.

The entire time he was screaming about me being "mean" for making him clean it up and how it was so "not fair!"

Who is this child? He can't be my JP, because my JP knows better than that! We have talked endlessly about making good choices and how bad choices have bad consequences, yet he STILL chose to act this way? I don't get it.

Needless to say, he got some consequences. I had planned for us to go out for mexican tonight, since we had a coupon for buy-one-get-one-free for tonight. I was all excited to take the kids out, since they love that cheese dip (and that I wouldn't have to cook!) However, after the day's antics, we had to cancel that. (Speaking of unfair, my kids make bad choices and I get punished?! Oh well. ) He also had to miss soccer practice to instead spend that time cleaning up his mess, and then he had to go to bed without his story time. I hated to take that away, and I still feel guilty about it. BUT, since losing soccer practice, dinner out and dessert didn't fix his attitude, what was left?

Then, PB cried herself to sleep. I hate that, too. But she was mad that we made her clean up, and that she didn't get dessert. After explaining her choices caused the loss of her dessert privilege, she proceeded to call me "mean mommy." That's not fun to hear. Especially twice in one night. :(

Meanwhile, HC is begging to play Donkey Kong, and I explain to him I cannot handle one more battle tonight. He says it won't be a battle and he will turn it off as soon as we tell him to. So, Daddy lets him play. When bed time rolls around and we ask him to turn it off and put his PJs on, he starts crying!!!

Yeah, I had to go for a drive.. (had to pick up dinner anyway, since I hadn't planned to cook!) ... a drive with the windows down and my rockin' praise music by Thief on the Right blaring. The loud music and wind in my face helped calm me down significantly. Then the memories came rushing in about why I love these darn kids so much. Ahh, yes. That's right. I totally love them.


Ugh. Here's to praying tomorrow is better.



PS: Have you had a day/night like this lately? How did you handle it? Was the day after better? 

Making Time for Cinderella

Sunday night I did a really dumb thing. I almost missed it.

Luckily, before the moment was gone, a song came to mind reminding me not to miss it. It is another beautiful momentous song by Steven Curtis Chapman  called simply "Cinderella":

       "She spins and she sways
        To whatever song plays
        Without a care in the world
        And I'm sitting here wearing
        The weight of the world on my shoulders

        It's been a long day
        And there's still work to do
        She's pulling at me
        Saying "Dad, I need you

        There's a ball at the castle
        And I've been invited
        And I need to practice my dancing
        Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

"Ooooh I'll Dance with Cinderella..."

        So I will dance with Cinderella
        While she is here in my arms
        'Cause I know something the prince never knew
        Oooooh, I will dance with Cinderella
        I don't wanna miss even one song
        'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
        And she'll be gone..."


When this song first came out, I cried and cried each time I heard it playing, because this one sentence is ME: "It's been a long day / And there's still work to do / She's pulling at me / Saying "(Mom), I need you".   I hear myself replying "when I finish my work" to waaay too many requests from my kids. After this song came out, I made a vow to never do it again.


But Sunday night I almost did.  You see, I was busy working on end-of-month. At the end of each month, I have this huge Excel spreadsheet of stuff I have to bill for work so they can close the books out for the new month. Sunday night, I was frantically trying to get it finished before Monday morning (I was already behind! It should have been done by the 1st!) Usually at end-of-month, Chris will take care of putting the kids in bed and cleaning up after dinner so I can start working earlier than usual. But this particular night, Princess Ballerina decided she had to have me sing her bedtime songs. Chris and I take turns putting the boys and Princess to bed anyway so we can each share that special time with them throughout the week. So, typically at end-of-month, the kids are OK with Daddy putting them to bed and singing them their bedtime songs. For whatever reason, this night was different for her.

First, she asked nicely. I replied with my usual "tomorrow night I can baby girl, when I am finished with my work." So she begged "Pweeeeeeeease!" And I said "No sweetie, Mommy has work to finish." But then she got pitiful. "Mommy, I need you to sing me my songs!" And I realized I was forsaking a special moment with my girl for a measly extra few minutes of work. 5 minutes would really be all I had to sacrifice, two songs' worth.  Thankfully, God hit my upside the head and reminded me of Cinderella, and of the fact that two songs would barely be 5 minutes worth of missed work time. I realized I could totally give that up for my princess because she wanted MOMMY to sing her a song!

So I did. PB has two songs she always requests at bedtime lately: "On My Knees" by Jaci Velasquez and "Find your Wings" by Mark Harris. She calls them collectively "My knees and my wings Mommy!" I hope I never forget these moments. I hope I never miss one again.

Though I know I will.

It's comforting that even Steven Curtis Chapman almost missed a moment too!! He explains it here in the story behind the song. He wrote this song as a reminder of that almost-missed moment. I am glad he did. It continues to help me remember to focus on those moments and not let them go by. Our kids grow up too quickly as it is. It's my prayer that I can remember not to miss anymore of those precious moments.

Thanks for reading. Remember not to miss those moments with your loved ones.

Blessings,
Dianne


PS: Have you realized when you almost missed a moment but something (or Someone) slowed you down and helped you to see it before it was too late? Tell me about it! Let's help each other focus on moments & not let them slip by!!


What can we do to help us remember to slow down?? I really need help with this!!

Choking on the Internet

Chewing Gum and the Internet.

What do these have in common? Nothing really, except I just had a revelation at how one can be used to teach responsibility on the other. Sounds crazy, I know, but stick with me for a few minutes!...

My little girl INSISTS she is old enough to chew gum.  She just turned 3. Now sometimes, she does ok with it, she'll chew just one piece, then spit it out in the trash. However, this is usually only when/if I am hovering over her reminding her to only put in ONE PIECE and to spit it out when she is through. Yesterday, though, I forgot to hover, and sure enough, she swallowed it! Come to find out, she had THREE pieces in her mouth!!! (Thanks to her generous big brother K, who was only trying to share, LOL.)   AAHHHH! She could have choked! I panicked!

Out comes the Mommy Lecture. I sat all three of them down and told them I had to explain this very important rule to them and that they needed to pay close attention:

• There is a RIGHT time and a WRONG time for EVERYTHING!!  And I quoted:

• Ecclesiastes 3

  A Time for Everything

   ¹ There is a time for everything,
     and a season for every activity under the heavens

 I told them how many, many times, we think we know what's best for us, but really only God knows what's best for us and He laid it out in His Word. And His Word says that parents should seek out wisdom from God, and kids should seek out wisdom from their parents. Wisdom... because only wisdom can really tell you how to make right choices in life. And when we think we know what's best, we think we can make the right choices for us, however, we make choices based on what we want, not what is best for us at the appropriate time. It all comes down to timing! You see, there is a right time to chew gum, but NOT at 3 years old when we can't remember the rules! Just like there is a right time to drive, at 16.... can you imagine a baby driving a car?, I asked them. (They chuckled.)  Right, I said, so three years old is NOT the right time to chew gum! So no matter how much you want to share (brothers) or how bad you want to chew gum (Princess), NOW IS NOT THE TIME.  Do you understand? I asked.

Um, yea. They nodded but looked a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I went overboard, a little. OK, maybe a lot. But all that came out of nowhere!! It just came pouring out of me like a milk jug in a, well, three year old's hand.

When, suddenly I realized, NO. This did NOT come out of nowhere. God gave me those words and we are laying a foundation for future discussions. Those inevitable discussions about dating, sex, and parties. Oh, my teenage kids are going to hate me. But I am already preparing myself to prepare them for a life of purity. Whoa! How did I get from gum to internet to purity?!  WOW, my brain jumps all over the place. BUT.... THE THING IS, PURITY BEGINS WITH THE HEART, AND THE EYES ARE THE WINDOWS TO THE HEART.   And now, with technology as it is, the internet is unbelievably easy to access by kids of all ages!!!   This has become one of my greatest fears, and challenges. To figure out how to protect my kids from the internet when it is spreading like the swine flu and being practically forced down our throats from every angle.

Oh, I KNOW, thee are tons of resources for protecting our kids, and I am  eternally grateful for those! (Here is a quick list in case you need some  ideas, each of these can lead you to more:

1. Safe Eyes (a computer/internet monitoring service)
2. XXX Church (another computer/internet monitoring service)
3. Focus on the Family (what don't they have? If you need it, they got it on here.)
4. PluggedIn Online (reviews media in detail so you can decide if it is safe for your family or not)
5. Pure Intimacy (articles, resources etc. for how to overcome sexual addictions & protec your family from them)
6. True Love Waits (an entire program dedicated to teaching youth about purity, lots of helpful stuff for parents)
7. Pam Stenzel (Dynamic author/speaker on the importance of abstinence and teaching it to our youth.)

However, I am the FIRST PERSON in charge of my kids' purity. (Well, hubby and me, of course.) And it is NEVER too early to start laying the foundations for purity. Especially when their choices regarding purity will effect them for their ENTIRE LIVES!!!

You see, R, my 6 year old, is already feeling  the alure of the magical, wonderful internet. We have our computers all set up with filters, timers, password protected access and monitoring. This has begun to frustrate R, because when he learns about a new website at school, he can't just come home and type it in. Nope. He has to tell me about it, let me check it out privately and then add it to his list of approved websites before he can access it. MANY, MANY times he has asked if he can't just have my password for adding sites. Nope. And then he defers to the ever popular response... "that's not fair! Don't you trust me?"   Yes, R, I do trust YOU, I tell him, and I remind him what a GREAT JOB he  does at protecting his heart by closing his eyes whenever we run into anything inappropriate, either in public or on TV.  BUT, I tell him, it's the internet I do not trust. All it would take would be one wrong keystroke and he would be whisked away to a website that would bombard him with inappropriate images and words before he even knew what happened, choking him then and there before he even had a chance at protecting himself.  He immediately stops arguing, and though I know he does not completely understand, I pray these little lessons are being stored away in his precious little heart for that time when he'll need to remember them. The inevitable time when temptation will come roaring in his face trying to force him to make a decision that could cost him even the tiniest bit of his purity.

And so, you see my friend. We CAN choke on the internet. It happens all the time to men, women and children before they are even aware of what's happening to them.  However, there is hope for recovery. (Please email me if you need to know more about this hope. I have GOBS of details to give you, just not here, right now.) But wouldn't it be better to not ever have to suffer with it to begin with? THAT is my goal in teaching my kids (all kids, really) the importance of making the right choices, at the right time. Starting with chewing gum.  Call me crazy.

Cheetohs from a New Perspective

Oh yes!!! I CANNOT WAIT to share this one!!!!!  Look at these:

A tempting plate of Cheetohs. Yum.

Until R decides to share his insight on this usually tasty, cheesy snack:

"Did you ever notice how they make Cheetohs the same shape as poop? It's like we're eating orange, cheese flavored mini poop!"

Ugh! Craving cured! I will never look at a Cheetoh in the same way again. Will you?

R, however, proceeds to pop one in his mouth and declared "Yum! Orange Mini Poop!"

My Inspirations

There they are. My inspirations. R, my creative thinker, K my passionate sensitive one, and C, the Princess. 

They inspire me for everything!!!  To live life to the fullest, to cherish the little moments in life, and to believe when there is no reason to. 


They are also the reason I fell in love with photography. You can read that how that journey unfolded here. 


Mostly, they inspire me to love. I love how unconditionally they love. I want to be like them when I grow up ;)

A Sad Birthday

Today is my due date. Or, it would have been my due date if I had carried to term. And it is hitting me harder than I thought it would.


This is an unexpected turn of events for me. I thought I had dealt with the pain, and received a beautiful gift of peace and assurance.  
Coping with miscarriage is never easy, but I believe I grew closer to my God and family through it. Then I thought I was done. Finished with the grief, at peace with the loss and ready to move on.

But the date June 19, 2010 loomed ahead, yet I was sure I would remain un-phased.


Now, here it is and I am feeling surprisingly shaky. I still know my baby Camryn is with God, waiting to be joined by the rest of us when our time comes. I know we will meet one day. I know it is not my fault. And I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. My head knows all of this. Still, my heart yearns for my baby.


I don't know why  I am writing about this. It is awful and painful and yucky. Still, I felt the need to share it with you. Maybe one day a hurting mother-to-have-been will stumble across it and find hope in the grief. It is a process, I am learning. One that we have to go through or we will never heal. It is OK to grieve.  Actually, it is healthier to grieve. But do so with hope.


Also, I really needed to acknowledge to the world that I have a baby in heaven, and that baby hasn't been forgotten. Though we miss having her here with us physically, the rest of the world has forgotten we had a 4th because they can't see her amongst our other children. But I always will. Especially on June 19th. So, today we will celebrate the brief time we got to share with her, and focus on the hope we have that we will meet her one day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Baby Camryn!!! We Love You 

and can't wait to meet you.

.

.

.

.

Cutting Grass and Conquering Fears

My youngest son, JP, loves to help. His favorite thing to help with is cutting the grass. One of the first phrases he said when he started talking was "Pawpaw cut grass?" He would say it as soon as he saw Pawpaw put on his straw hat... his grass-cutting hat! Then he would run and get his little lawn mower to help. He has continued this fascination now for almost 2 years!

So I was really excited when he sat still enough for me to shoot this picture! It truly captures a memorable moment. This is a shot I got one day when he was "taking a break" from helping Pawpaw. I loved how he was just looking out at the overgrown grass in the backyard. What was running through his little mind? He got quiet & pensive and just stared!  (Which if you know JP, you know is RARE! The boy is hardly ever still!) But we attribute that to his passion. The boy is incredibly passionate, and he has no fear! He actually inspires me to act more on my passions.

For example, photography has long been a passion of mine, but fear has kept me from pursuing it. Fear also kept me from trying out for my high school musical and the school of music in college, but yay! Here I am years later finally pursuing a passion. Better late then never, huh?!  Yet, even now fear threatens to stop me: I had my first maternity portraits shoot this past Tuesday and boy was I ever nervous. My friend who was modeling was so patient and encouraging though so I was able to make it through the shoot. However, when I got home and viewed the pictures, I was disappointed in myself and the results I got.  They just didn't look how I pictured them in my head. I found myself thinking that maybe I should just stick to photographing my own kids and ditch this whole becoming-a-photographer thing.

But something has changed inside me... I want to keep going! A large part of that is the incredible amount of encouragement I am receiving from my sweet hubby and several great friends (one of whom IS a photographer!!). Another reason is that I see the whole world before my kids and I truly believe they can do anything God calls them to do, and would be heartbroken if they let fear stand in their way.  But how can I encourage them to conquer their fears & pursue their God-given passions if I don't do the same? So here I go... pushing through the fear. I promise to post those maternity pics if you want to see them.

*********Update*************
They are done! Click here if you'd like to see some of those maternity shots!

Time in a Bottle

When I was a little girl, my mom and I had two songs we called "our songs."  One of them was "You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor and the other was "Time In A Bottle" by Jim Croce. To this day when I hear those songs I get swept away to those moments in time. 

There are two vivid memories that stand out to me regarding these songs; these are the ones that especially come flooding back upon the first few notes of either song:

The first was right after we moved and I started a new school for 1st grade. I felt so alone and scared; I was painfully shy. It was recess and I remember sitting on top of the monkey bars alone, crying and singing the words to "You've Got A Friend" to myself, willing my mami to hear them and come rescue me:

"When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again...."

This song reminded me that she wanted to rescue me, even when I knew she couldn't. Just remembering that would make me feel better.

The other memory is when I was trying on her clothes and modeling them around the house, she got tears in her eyes and said
"if only I could save time in a bottle," and started singing that song to me:

"If I could save time in a bottle       
The first thing that Id like to do       
Is to save every day       
Till eternity passes away       
Just to spend them with you..."       

       Of course, when you're little you take everything literally, so I asked her what she meant by "saving time in a bottle" and how can someone possibly do that? If she could tell me how, I'd do it for her since she wanted it so bad!

Oh if I only knew how quickly time would pass, and what she meant by that. Now I find myself saying the same thing to my three little ones, and wishing I could find a way to keep time in a bottle. Maybe that's why I love photography so much, it is a way to freeze time and keep it forever. I try to take mental "snapshots" every day of those fleeting moments, but am always so thrilled when I capture them on film. This is what drives me, and why has become one of my biggest passions. But I know I owe it to my mom for making so very aware that nothing lasts forever. I think most kids (& grown-ups!) don't understand that until it is too late.

So Mami, thank you for teaching me to savor the little moments, even when I didn't understand.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

And to all my mommy friends... remember everything your child does is a phase- the good ones and the not-so-good ones too- and they will (all too soon) pass, so try not to rush any of them. Focus on moments: just get through the tough ones and look forward to that inevitable yet fleeting next good one, and when it arrives, freeze it.
Then, save that moment in time in a bottle. ♥

(or a frame, LOL!)

WOW! A Grasshopper!

I love when my kids yell "Look mom!" to show me something that has completely captured their attention. They are in awe and suddenly, everything else in the world can wait while they revel in their new discovery. Today it was a new trick they learned, (balancing and jumping off the couch just right) and I wished I had the video camera with me because the look on their faces was PRICELESS and I want to remember it forever. They were so proud, so excited, and just so content. Nothing else mattered!

It reminded me of this picture I took when we got home from Colombia this summer:

This grasshopper was waiting for us on our van and rode home with us most of the way! The boys were fascinated! And I caught it on camera! 

Man, I need to keep my cameras closer to me so I can capture more of these "wondrous" moments because eventually they stop. I wish they lasted forever, but unfortunately, we seem to lose that wonder of childhood somewhere along the way of growing up.

As adults we seem to just "push through" life and moments pass in a blur. Why is that?


I think we should try to allow ourselves some more "Look!" moments to just stop and stare in awe at an amazing sight or accomplishment. Maybe then life can start to become less hectic and blurry and more laid back and memorable.

"Hello" Said the Strange Little Boy

What makes him strange? That he said "Hello" to a stranger? Why does that make him odd? We thought it made him extraordinary. Not many people are that friendly anymore. Especially to strangers.

Yes, I am talking about my oldest. He is 5 and not shy in the least. How he came from his dad and me is beyond us! Anyone who knew us as kids knows we were painfully shy. But not HC. He will walk up to people with a big smile and say "Hello! I'm HC". Often, the people he just cordially greeted will look at him like he is an alien, and turn away. Sometimes they smile and say hi back. Always they get a look in their eyes of utter surprise.

Why is that?

Now, don't get me wrong. We've talked to him about stranger danger, and he knows all the safety rules abut talking to strangers. On this particular day, we were at the playground having a picnic lunch and another family sat at the table in front of us. He was with family and within arms distance from me, so he knew it was safe to approach the other mom. He took his two steps forward and smiled his biggest smile and said "HI! I'm HC!" and just grinned at her waiting for a response. She literally did a double take. Saw me kind of watching the scenario then smiled back tentatively and said "Oh, hello!" 

Chris and I just stared in awe of our son. He inspires me everyday to try and be more like him. Furthermore, despite the less-than friendly reactions received, he continues to do it! We worried about his sweet spirit getting broken, but actually, I believe it is growing! He's amazing.


What if we were all like HC? What if we were all just so excited to make new friends and be nice to everyone we meet that we could hardly hold it back like him? That would be a beautiful place.


Then again. I believe that's what heaven is promised to be =)