Accepting Baby Steps

Whew!! What a crazy few months it's been!  In the past several months we have moved, had 2 birthday parties, started a new job (hubby), gone on a way-overdue vacation and survived morning sickness with baby #4! Its almost gone, I can feel it! Or maybe I'm just being optimistic because I am soooo ready to get back to shooting!

This is a shot I was so excited to capture! The Lego Statues at Downtown Disney
fascinated me! And apparently the squirrels too!

The lighting on it was tricky though, because I was actually standing under an awning, and the
sun was on the other side of the statue. The first time I shot it, you couldn't see the squirrels at
all for the blow out of light around them. After adjusting for that using all that
I've learned so far ;) I shot this one. Seriously, if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!

In effort to shoot as many new pictures as I can (the more I shoot, the more I learn!) I have decided to create a new goal for myself: From now on, ALL the illustrations on my blog will be using MY OWN pictures! I hope to get creative and shoot some really artistic photos to use for this purpose :) I think my baby sister can help with this too, and it will be great fun working with her on it! Since I not only use this blog to showcase my portrait photography and blog about those stories as well as stories about my own life, I want to tie it all together with the one over-arching theme that seems to cross over into everything I do: Art. I love ALL Art: from paintings to photographs, music, dance, and theatre - it all fascinates me. It always has. This seems to be a common bond for many of us on a universal level. So this will be the common thread I hope you see throughout all the posts, both the professional and personal ones :)

On that note, I am getting really excited, and honestly humbled, by the direction my photography is taking. In December last year I wrote a post about desperately trying to hear God, and what He's calling me to do in life. I felt unfulfilled because I had not found that yet, and I was aching to be in the middle of His will. Some of you may relate to this, others may not. But I think all of us, regardless of beliefs, desire to feel a sense of accomplishment. When we do something we love, we feel it with our entire being, and we effect others in a positive way. When we don't, we dread every second of it and effect others in a negative way.

So I began searching for what my calling might be. I felt so lost because my passions lead in so many different directions. However, little did I realize that God was going to lead me there! It was just going to take a series of tiny little baby steps.  Now, as I look back at just the past 10 months, I can see God's fingerprints on everything that has happened! Which only makes me SOOOO excited about the steps to come. But let me back up and explain:

• The update on that post mentions about how in the short months between the original post and the updates, I met so many photographers willing and excited to help me and I had learned so much it was overwhelming (in a very good way!)
• One of those photographers took me on as a mentor and walked me through so much! She even invited me to help her on a newborn shoot.
• One of the other photographers, a great friend from high-school I was able to reconnect with, has been an endless source of information, patiently answering all my questions and offering all the advice she can think of. Then SHE invited me to a family portrait session with her! It was such a great learning experience!!
• Then I started practicing on family and friends, and their response was greater than I ever expected coming from my first few "professional" shoots. (I've been shooting since I was 13, but never under the intention of doing it professionally until now.)
• Suddenly I had people asking me to book session after session! All in a matter of 8 or so months!! I honestly never dreamed of it going so well. The only thing I can say is that God has been behind it all. There is no other explanation. 
• Then I had the idea (out of "nowhere" ... ahem... so like God) to join forces with my good friend Santa Claus for a special portrait event. I was unsure if he would be able to attend though, seeing as he gets incredibly busy this time of year! However, he loved the idea and was willing to make room in his schedule to come down and join us! All I had to do was find a location to host us...
• Then, tada! It the idea for the perfect place to host Santa for portraits falls into my lap: Miss LaLa's Treehouse, now called The Arts @ West Cobb! They are all about ALL THE ARTS!!! How fitting!!! 

When I called them, they loved the idea! And so now, I have a great opportunity to join forces with a company who is not only willing to host us for Christmas but would also like to host us for a Halloween/Fall portrait session and see why else our paths might have Purposely crossed! I meet with her tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know the details we work out. But all I can say is that I could never have imagined all these baby steps were even possible, let alone that I would be walking them.

Why am I sharing all this with you??

We all have dreams. Some of you dream about photography like me! (I hope to "pay it forward" and help you as others have helped me! Email me for more info!) The rest of you long after a myriad of other dreams. One of my goals with this blog is to inspire you to dream them, and do whatever it takes to follow them. Even if it takes itty bitty almost invisible baby steps. You never know where you will be a year from now if you do. But if you never try, you'll never reach it. God plants those dreams in our hearts! He wants SO MUCH MORE FOR US than we can ever imagine! 

Cutting Grass and Conquering Fears

My youngest son, JP, loves to help. His favorite thing to help with is cutting the grass. One of the first phrases he said when he started talking was "Pawpaw cut grass?" He would say it as soon as he saw Pawpaw put on his straw hat... his grass-cutting hat! Then he would run and get his little lawn mower to help. He has continued this fascination now for almost 2 years!

So I was really excited when he sat still enough for me to shoot this picture! It truly captures a memorable moment. This is a shot I got one day when he was "taking a break" from helping Pawpaw. I loved how he was just looking out at the overgrown grass in the backyard. What was running through his little mind? He got quiet & pensive and just stared!  (Which if you know JP, you know is RARE! The boy is hardly ever still!) But we attribute that to his passion. The boy is incredibly passionate, and he has no fear! He actually inspires me to act more on my passions.

For example, photography has long been a passion of mine, but fear has kept me from pursuing it. Fear also kept me from trying out for my high school musical and the school of music in college, but yay! Here I am years later finally pursuing a passion. Better late then never, huh?!  Yet, even now fear threatens to stop me: I had my first maternity portraits shoot this past Tuesday and boy was I ever nervous. My friend who was modeling was so patient and encouraging though so I was able to make it through the shoot. However, when I got home and viewed the pictures, I was disappointed in myself and the results I got.  They just didn't look how I pictured them in my head. I found myself thinking that maybe I should just stick to photographing my own kids and ditch this whole becoming-a-photographer thing.

But something has changed inside me... I want to keep going! A large part of that is the incredible amount of encouragement I am receiving from my sweet hubby and several great friends (one of whom IS a photographer!!). Another reason is that I see the whole world before my kids and I truly believe they can do anything God calls them to do, and would be heartbroken if they let fear stand in their way.  But how can I encourage them to conquer their fears & pursue their God-given passions if I don't do the same? So here I go... pushing through the fear. I promise to post those maternity pics if you want to see them.

*********Update*************
They are done! Click here if you'd like to see some of those maternity shots!

Time in a Bottle

When I was a little girl, my mom and I had two songs we called "our songs."  One of them was "You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor and the other was "Time In A Bottle" by Jim Croce. To this day when I hear those songs I get swept away to those moments in time. 

There are two vivid memories that stand out to me regarding these songs; these are the ones that especially come flooding back upon the first few notes of either song:

The first was right after we moved and I started a new school for 1st grade. I felt so alone and scared; I was painfully shy. It was recess and I remember sitting on top of the monkey bars alone, crying and singing the words to "You've Got A Friend" to myself, willing my mami to hear them and come rescue me:

"When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again...."

This song reminded me that she wanted to rescue me, even when I knew she couldn't. Just remembering that would make me feel better.

The other memory is when I was trying on her clothes and modeling them around the house, she got tears in her eyes and said
"if only I could save time in a bottle," and started singing that song to me:

"If I could save time in a bottle       
The first thing that Id like to do       
Is to save every day       
Till eternity passes away       
Just to spend them with you..."       

       Of course, when you're little you take everything literally, so I asked her what she meant by "saving time in a bottle" and how can someone possibly do that? If she could tell me how, I'd do it for her since she wanted it so bad!

Oh if I only knew how quickly time would pass, and what she meant by that. Now I find myself saying the same thing to my three little ones, and wishing I could find a way to keep time in a bottle. Maybe that's why I love photography so much, it is a way to freeze time and keep it forever. I try to take mental "snapshots" every day of those fleeting moments, but am always so thrilled when I capture them on film. This is what drives me, and why has become one of my biggest passions. But I know I owe it to my mom for making so very aware that nothing lasts forever. I think most kids (& grown-ups!) don't understand that until it is too late.

So Mami, thank you for teaching me to savor the little moments, even when I didn't understand.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

And to all my mommy friends... remember everything your child does is a phase- the good ones and the not-so-good ones too- and they will (all too soon) pass, so try not to rush any of them. Focus on moments: just get through the tough ones and look forward to that inevitable yet fleeting next good one, and when it arrives, freeze it.
Then, save that moment in time in a bottle. ♥

(or a frame, LOL!)

Masks

Why do we wear masks?

This question has haunted me forever. No, seriously, my entire life! I noticed the masks grown-ups would wear early on in childhood, and it baffled me. I also realized that sometimes, grown-ups would wear their masks so long or so well they forgot who they really were and/or who they used to be. I swore I would never be like that.

Except, now, I am.

Why do we do it? Is there anyway to overcome it? Since I discovered my grown-up mask I have been keenly looking around. I see a depth behind a stranger's eyes when I ask "How are you" but I get the usual reply  "Fine, how are you?" Then suddenly I hear the words "Fine thank you" come out of my mouth. Really? That's all I have to say about How I Am today? Rarely am I really fine. Usually I am overjoyed with something one of my kids just said or did. Sometimes I am heartbroken by the same. Other times I am grateful, happy, angry, jealous, surprised, confused, etc. Rarely am I just fine. But why is that always my answer? Why is it yours?

How can we get past that? What if we had the power to break the cycle and get past the mask to the real person behind it? Would we be friendlier? Less selfish? More peaceful?

I don't have the answers today. I  merely notices the phenomena and wanted to bring it to light. I hope to find a way of removing my mask and being more real in an effort to get past the masks of people I know, as well as those I don't. My first step... removing my mask online. From now on, I will not sugar coat my feelings when writing a post. Furthermore, I challenge myself to write more raw, honest posts.  I want to be real with you. It will be an experiment worth trying.

To be continued...

Getting It Together

Whew! What a relief! 

I thought I was alone in this world as the only female who just could not get it together. (And yes, by “it” I mean anything and everything that we do or “should be” doing!) I was sure I was missing some essential genetic material that was causing me to fail miserably at all my feminine responsibilities.  But a simple poll on facebook today showed me maybe I am NOT alone! So for all the ladies who also just can’t seem to get it all together, let’s chat…

I’ll start with a confession: I’m a recovering Messy.  Admission is supposed to be the first step to healing, but it doesn’t feel like it so far.

Allow me to clarify: I don’t know how to clean. I don’t know how to organize. I don’t even know how to cook! But that’s an entirely different problem. However, they all contribute to my feeling like a complete failure as a wife and mom.  This has been a problem for me my entire life, but recently, say the past 3 years, it has really started to eat away at my self-confidence. 

So, I started to research “how-to’s” and was soooo excited by what I found! A WEALTH of information at my fingertips!! The Daily 7 to keeping your house clean, 365 Slow-cooker recipes, 45 Days to a clean house, Potty Training in 1 day!, 3 days to a well-behaved kid, and so on and so on. “I’ll have it together in no time!” I thought.  

Boy was I wrong!

And the more I failed, the worse I felt. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed, in fact I am quite happy. I love my life and am grateful for all I have. But I feel like I am not being a good steward of all I've been given, ie, I am not properly caring for my family, my home, my friends, let alone myself. So I want to MAKE IMPROVEMENTS.

            = )                                                            And now I know, I AM NOT ALONE!

Therefore, I decided to turn my blog into a completely, 100% book wide-open journal of my journey from "getting it together" to "totally together". This is based on a GREAT blog I found, which is appropriately titled "Totally Together Journal" and the lady behind it has some wonderful tips and ideas for how we can start getting it together. But the more I read on her blog, the more I felt like a complete loser. In fact, all the blogs I found were by women who already had it all together or were well on their way. I did not find any books or blogs or notes or anything by any female who seemed to lack that essential genetic material I lack ;) Or else no one was writing about it. So here are some things I am going to start doing differently on by blog in the effort to be more candid about my journey and hopefully grow more effectively:

1. I will blog about about BOTH my ups and DOWNS. (Not just my ups!)
   
2. I will welcome comments, both positive and negative. (In the past I'd delete not-so-positive remarks because they hurt my feelings. Instead of realizing they can help me grow.)
   
3. I will try new things and keep what works and chunk was fails. (Instead of doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results. Um... isn't that the definition of insanity?)
   
4. I will go back and read old posts and relish in what I've learned from both my accomplishments and my mistakes! I will look back one day and see how far I've come!
   
5. Most importantly, I will encourage ALL OF YOU to walk this journey with me. Let's not be stagnant! Let's make improvements and enjoy the ride! There's no need for perfection! Just motivation! And what P-O-W-E-R there is in kind words of encouragement and constructive criticism from friends! I  hope as we start this dialogue of posts and comments that we will all learn and grow with each other. So please feel free to comment or send me ideas for posts or even entire posts to share.

This is not going to be easy. In fact, I've written this post and deleted 3 times already. I really would rather not share this with the world, as it is quite embarrassing. But I cannot ignore the voice telling me to do it anymore.

To start off on the right foot, one of the "new" things I will be trying is to illustrate my blog with my own photos. Usually I Google a keyword to find a cool picture to go along with my post. But since I am whole-heartedly pursing my photography passion, why not try to use my own? As if I could shoot cool enough pics! But I will try ;) It is a work in progress...

Anyway, above, you see a picture of my stack of tubs. I purchased these over a month ago with the idea of organizing in mind. Yet, there they sit. Unused. Taking up space. Ugh. But we'll get there! Hopefully sharing that picture of my unused tubs with you will help motivate me to put them to use, so I can repost their picture showing them in all their well-organized glory!


So, let me know what you think. We'll hash out what works and what doesn't. We'll make mistakes and learn from them. We'll cover anything and everything, laughing and crying in between.

We'll relish in the fact that we are perfectly imperfect! lol