Unbelievable FREEDOM

Do you want to know how many "drafts" I have sitting in my blog dashboard right now?
11. ELEVEN y'all!

Do you want to know why?

Because so often, at least 11 times apparently, I sit down to write a post, full of words spilling out of me that must be shared with the world- whether or not anyone is actually going to read them- because if I don't I'll bust. But then? Something causes me to hit the "Save" button instead of "Publish".

It's that small voice whispering lies...

"No one cares what you have to say."

"WHO is going to take precious time from their day to read anything YOU have written?!"

"If you post this, people will lash out at you!!"

and so on.....

But today, I realized, something- or Someone- prompted me to write those words to begin with. And by never finishing it, I've failed the mission those words had been given. Someone DID need to read them. Even if it was just me.

     -SO-

Over the next few days I will be publishing all those posts and then some. If any of them offend you, I'm sorry. If they move you, hurrah! But I have words spilling out of my words here. A heart about to burst wide open with unshared sentiments and lessons learned yearning to be shared out loud, if only as a confirmation to myself that they exist. And then, IF someone happens to read them and be encouraged, inspired or enveloped in that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that provides a PEACE THAT SURPASSES UNDERSTANDING... then A-M-E-N! Because God is So Good. He has been SUPER patient with me, as well as Incredibly Merciful and Abundantly Gracious to me. And I can keep quiet no longer. So forgive me for the mysterious silence so far. And forgive me for the cascade of emotional shrapnel about to start flying from this blog.

What, you may ask, prompted this Revelation? (ha! that's funny right there because we just began a study of the book of Revelation at CBS last week! I didn't realize I used that word until I went back and reread this.)

THESE. WORDS.:

"If you want to discover what happens when parents and children alike learn to live from the freedom found in being wholeheartedly and unconditionally loved (and liked!) by God, you’ve found the right place. I hope you’ll stay a while and share your journey with me."

From the blog by the author of Parenting the Wholehearted Child, Jeannie Cunnion.  She has no idea I wrote this. She has no idea the impact her blog, book, and posts have had on my life. She probably has no idea who I am; but that doesn't matter. GOD. DOES. And He sent me to her blog to read that. perfect. little. description: "what happens when.... (we) learn to live from the freedom found in being wholeheartedly and unconditionally loved (and liked!) by God."

Y'all. I fell OVER. Flat on my face when I read those words. THAT'S IT. That's all there is to it. Do you want to know what life is all about? THAT'S IT. Do you want to know how to fix the problems in this world? THAT'S IT. Do you want to know how to find peace in YOUR life? THAT'S. IT. 

It sounds over simplistic, but I'm telling you, it's not. It is both utterly PROFOUND and SIMPLE at the same time. She can probably explain it all way better than I can. BUT, I'm realizing God has led us each down different paths, with different life experiences for a reason... they all reach the same conclusion, FREEDOM IN HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, but her story is not my story. It is a part of my story now, yes. Each is a story of how God brought a broken girl through to His Truth. And each story is a powerful testimony of God's mercy, grace and love that needs to be shared, if only to being Glory to the one who loves us. Unconditionally, y'all. Messy and all. I've had that Freedom and I've squandered it. No More, my friend, no more.

So, I must write. I must share what I've learned: all about the Scripture He's captured my heart with and the fire He's used to refine me and the Love He's showered upon me. Because, I know, someone is out there hurting and broken. Desperate and lonely. Wondering and questioning. And somehow, these words might find you and be the stepping stone that begins YOUR path to Freedom. Oh what an honor that would be.

Truly. That is my greatest desire. For everyone to find this Freedom.


Unbelievable Freedom. In Christ.


And if this reaches 1. Only One.
It will be totally worth it.

Random thoughts =)

I think too much. I really do! That is part of why it takes me so long to edit pictures. Or really, why it takes me so long to do anything! I over-think everything! That, and I'm a perfectionist.

I spoke with a friend recently who is so not like this and she told me "just don't do it!"

Hmm, I wish it was that easy. But even attempting not to is to fight agains the very core of my being! How does one overcome that?

No clue.

Just a random thought.

If you have any insight on this, please share!

It Matters to This One...

"A little boy was walking along the shore picking up starfish and throwing them back into the sea. A man walks up to him and asks him why he is even bothering, he can never save them all, so it doesn't really matter. And the little boy replies 'It matters to this one' and tosses one more back into the ocean."

Just had to share :)

Masks

Why do we wear masks?

This question has haunted me forever. No, seriously, my entire life! I noticed the masks grown-ups would wear early on in childhood, and it baffled me. I also realized that sometimes, grown-ups would wear their masks so long or so well they forgot who they really were and/or who they used to be. I swore I would never be like that.

Except, now, I am.

Why do we do it? Is there anyway to overcome it? Since I discovered my grown-up mask I have been keenly looking around. I see a depth behind a stranger's eyes when I ask "How are you" but I get the usual reply  "Fine, how are you?" Then suddenly I hear the words "Fine thank you" come out of my mouth. Really? That's all I have to say about How I Am today? Rarely am I really fine. Usually I am overjoyed with something one of my kids just said or did. Sometimes I am heartbroken by the same. Other times I am grateful, happy, angry, jealous, surprised, confused, etc. Rarely am I just fine. But why is that always my answer? Why is it yours?

How can we get past that? What if we had the power to break the cycle and get past the mask to the real person behind it? Would we be friendlier? Less selfish? More peaceful?

I don't have the answers today. I  merely notices the phenomena and wanted to bring it to light. I hope to find a way of removing my mask and being more real in an effort to get past the masks of people I know, as well as those I don't. My first step... removing my mask online. From now on, I will not sugar coat my feelings when writing a post. Furthermore, I challenge myself to write more raw, honest posts.  I want to be real with you. It will be an experiment worth trying.

To be continued...

WOW! A Grasshopper!

I love when my kids yell "Look mom!" to show me something that has completely captured their attention. They are in awe and suddenly, everything else in the world can wait while they revel in their new discovery. Today it was a new trick they learned, (balancing and jumping off the couch just right) and I wished I had the video camera with me because the look on their faces was PRICELESS and I want to remember it forever. They were so proud, so excited, and just so content. Nothing else mattered!

It reminded me of this picture I took when we got home from Colombia this summer:

This grasshopper was waiting for us on our van and rode home with us most of the way! The boys were fascinated! And I caught it on camera! 

Man, I need to keep my cameras closer to me so I can capture more of these "wondrous" moments because eventually they stop. I wish they lasted forever, but unfortunately, we seem to lose that wonder of childhood somewhere along the way of growing up.

As adults we seem to just "push through" life and moments pass in a blur. Why is that?


I think we should try to allow ourselves some more "Look!" moments to just stop and stare in awe at an amazing sight or accomplishment. Maybe then life can start to become less hectic and blurry and more laid back and memorable.

Feed Your CORE DESIRE

HAHA! That sounds DANGEROUS! But when we REALLY understand what he meant by that, it makes perfect sense!

This is another one of those radio sermons I listened to that just blew me away. In Part 4 of his series called "Adding to your Faith", Pastor Mike Fabarez talks about self-control. He says all we have to do to maintain self-control is to keep one thing in mind: what we really want is to Feed Our Core Desire. The thing is, until we've come to know who we Really Are, we can't know what we Really Want.

You see, initially, we all read that statement and immediately think of things our flesh would desire: food, money, sex, material possessions, relationships, etc. etc. However, that's not who we Really Are.

So, you ask, WHO ARE WE then, REALLY? 

We are Children of God!!!

Now I know not everybody who may read this blog believes that. But there is proof inside your heart. The Creator made us all that way, to yearn for His presence, and His love. I know so many people who "have it all" by normal standards, yet the are incredibly unhappy. This is because they are NOT feeding their CORE DESIRE as they think they are. All the money, boyfriends/girlfriends, and stuff they have do nothing to quell the hunger deep inside. THIS IS HOW WE WERE DESIGNED!! 

So, how do you feed your core desire? First you accept who you really are. Click here to hear about it.

Once you accept that you are a child of God, saved by grace through faith because of the sacrifice of our sweet savior Jesus Christ, you have to begin to feed your true core desires. 

Colossians 3 says we are to put away our old earthly ways and put on our new self, which is being renewed in the image of our Creator! So the things our flesh desires are our old earthly ways, but your core desires are what your SOUL desires: to be made in the likeness of God! 

OK, that sounds great, but how do we APPLY it? Next time you are faced with temptation, ask yourself, is this really what I want?!" Think about it.... is it what YOU want or what your flesh wants?

EX: I struggle daily to exercise. (Among other things! I also struggle daily with reading my Bible, cleaning, and practicing my photography and cello. But for this example we'll stick with the exercising.) When it comes time to put on my sneakers and start my work-out, the couch starts calling me! As do the Doritos and Twix bars. Ohhhhh what a tough battle! But when I think about my core desire, I can tell my flesh NO! I DO NOT WANT TO SIT ON THE COUCH I WANT TO WORK-OUT!

 So basically... TELL YOUR FLESH WHO'S THE BOSS!

But, remember: your flesh will ALWAYS be one moment away from giving in to its desires. So your flesh is only one moment away from adultery, gluttony, materialism, etc. BE THE BOSS! It won't be easy. Like everything else, you must take it one step at a time. Moment by moment, make that conscience decision to be the boss and tell your flesh no, because you want to be more like Christ.

And parents, when your kids argue: Don't you trust me?! You can answer them "NO! Because though you have been made new in Christ, you still reside in a sinful world, in a body of flesh that desires the things of this world! We cannot ever give it an opportunity." (That's good advice for us parents too.)

Getting It Together

Whew! What a relief! 

I thought I was alone in this world as the only female who just could not get it together. (And yes, by “it” I mean anything and everything that we do or “should be” doing!) I was sure I was missing some essential genetic material that was causing me to fail miserably at all my feminine responsibilities.  But a simple poll on facebook today showed me maybe I am NOT alone! So for all the ladies who also just can’t seem to get it all together, let’s chat…

I’ll start with a confession: I’m a recovering Messy.  Admission is supposed to be the first step to healing, but it doesn’t feel like it so far.

Allow me to clarify: I don’t know how to clean. I don’t know how to organize. I don’t even know how to cook! But that’s an entirely different problem. However, they all contribute to my feeling like a complete failure as a wife and mom.  This has been a problem for me my entire life, but recently, say the past 3 years, it has really started to eat away at my self-confidence. 

So, I started to research “how-to’s” and was soooo excited by what I found! A WEALTH of information at my fingertips!! The Daily 7 to keeping your house clean, 365 Slow-cooker recipes, 45 Days to a clean house, Potty Training in 1 day!, 3 days to a well-behaved kid, and so on and so on. “I’ll have it together in no time!” I thought.  

Boy was I wrong!

And the more I failed, the worse I felt. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed, in fact I am quite happy. I love my life and am grateful for all I have. But I feel like I am not being a good steward of all I've been given, ie, I am not properly caring for my family, my home, my friends, let alone myself. So I want to MAKE IMPROVEMENTS.

            = )                                                            And now I know, I AM NOT ALONE!

Therefore, I decided to turn my blog into a completely, 100% book wide-open journal of my journey from "getting it together" to "totally together". This is based on a GREAT blog I found, which is appropriately titled "Totally Together Journal" and the lady behind it has some wonderful tips and ideas for how we can start getting it together. But the more I read on her blog, the more I felt like a complete loser. In fact, all the blogs I found were by women who already had it all together or were well on their way. I did not find any books or blogs or notes or anything by any female who seemed to lack that essential genetic material I lack ;) Or else no one was writing about it. So here are some things I am going to start doing differently on by blog in the effort to be more candid about my journey and hopefully grow more effectively:

1. I will blog about about BOTH my ups and DOWNS. (Not just my ups!)
   
2. I will welcome comments, both positive and negative. (In the past I'd delete not-so-positive remarks because they hurt my feelings. Instead of realizing they can help me grow.)
   
3. I will try new things and keep what works and chunk was fails. (Instead of doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results. Um... isn't that the definition of insanity?)
   
4. I will go back and read old posts and relish in what I've learned from both my accomplishments and my mistakes! I will look back one day and see how far I've come!
   
5. Most importantly, I will encourage ALL OF YOU to walk this journey with me. Let's not be stagnant! Let's make improvements and enjoy the ride! There's no need for perfection! Just motivation! And what P-O-W-E-R there is in kind words of encouragement and constructive criticism from friends! I  hope as we start this dialogue of posts and comments that we will all learn and grow with each other. So please feel free to comment or send me ideas for posts or even entire posts to share.

This is not going to be easy. In fact, I've written this post and deleted 3 times already. I really would rather not share this with the world, as it is quite embarrassing. But I cannot ignore the voice telling me to do it anymore.

To start off on the right foot, one of the "new" things I will be trying is to illustrate my blog with my own photos. Usually I Google a keyword to find a cool picture to go along with my post. But since I am whole-heartedly pursing my photography passion, why not try to use my own? As if I could shoot cool enough pics! But I will try ;) It is a work in progress...

Anyway, above, you see a picture of my stack of tubs. I purchased these over a month ago with the idea of organizing in mind. Yet, there they sit. Unused. Taking up space. Ugh. But we'll get there! Hopefully sharing that picture of my unused tubs with you will help motivate me to put them to use, so I can repost their picture showing them in all their well-organized glory!


So, let me know what you think. We'll hash out what works and what doesn't. We'll make mistakes and learn from them. We'll cover anything and everything, laughing and crying in between.

We'll relish in the fact that we are perfectly imperfect! lol