Random Thoughts to try and Catch Up

Life is truly full of interesting twists and turns! Of all the things I have written about here, longings and dreams and prayers of my heart, one thing I never wrote about was Homeschooling, because I never thought it would be a possibility for me.

Now, here we are, THREE MONTHS into our homeschool journey! And BOY! Have I learned a lot! And I still have SO MUCH to learn!

I look forward to catching up on my blog posts several drafts I jotted down but never fully finished, and well as writing some new ones to fill in the gaps. I can't wait to share with you how this journey began for us, how it is working in our home with my two jobs and 4 kids (LOL!!!) It is crazy to say the least. But it is also. Amazing!! 

I will share with you our curriculum meltdowns and thrills, as well as our favorite resources and our day to day schedule. All this I'm still learning about but eager to share because I have learned so much by reading ideas from others! 

There is so much catching up to do... posts about the kids, photography, our adoption plans, and now homeschool! So please stay tuned! And ask any questions you may have! I'd love to help you along your journey as well :)  

Mommy-isms

I realized today I have become SUCH a MOM!  You know, saying those things that one day my kids will quote back either to me or to their own kids. Sayings you rolled  your eyes at as a kid but now see the wisdom in them? Like these, for example:

• Because I said so!
• Your rights end where the rights of others begin!
• Respect the "no" or you won't get a "yes" next time either!
• I love you to the Moon and Back!
• Make sure to wash behind your ears!
• No dinner, no desert

OK Mom, you were right. ;)  I have become you.

AND I LOVE IT!!

...What do you find yourself saying that you thought you never would?

I Seriously Need a Castle...

... And not because I want to feel like a princess, though that would be nice, too. No, the reason I need a castle is because I desperately want to adopt like, all the homeless/orphaned/under-loved kids in the world.

Photo for Puzzle Peace only. Do not copy or download.

I can't help it....

You see, Sweet Baby started smiling! And he smiles so much, like all the time, even during diaper changes! So I decided I'll start calling him Smily Boy, and I was just loving seeing his smile, after smile, after smile.

But suddenly, when I looked into his big bright eyes as I kissed him and told him how wonderful he is and how much I love him, I was suddenly (and then consistently) rushed with a flood of knowledge that there are waaay too any kids out there who are never kissed or hugged or told they are loved or wonderful. Or worse, they are often told they are worthless and unlovable.  Then my heart breaks. Over and over and over again.  (Am I messed up that a kiss on my new baby's cheek leads me to tears on a regular basis?)

My solution... Adopt them all!!! WaHoo! That would be AWESOME!!!

However, in the real world, that is quite impossible. I realize that.

BUT... If I had a castle, I totally could. And I would!

Until then, I gotta figure out what I CAN do to help those kids. Or else my heart won't stop breaking.


Any suggestions? 




PS: Share with us something you felt/feel strongly called/ drawn to. What are you doing to achieve  it or get closer towards achieving it? 

It must be a full moon...

All I can say is W-O-W. Tonight was the toughest night we have had in a looong time!! My kids were like possessed! IS there a full moon tonight? Um, no. OK, so maybe aliens abducted them and replaced them with temporary look-alikes? Hopefully my real kids will be back tomorrow. Yikes.

So, you wanna know what happened? Here we go...

It started this morning, when JP decided he didn't like the class snack I packed. (It is his week to bring snack to preschool.) He decided instead of animal crackers, he wanted to bring fruit cups. However, I explained to him that there were not enough fruit cups to take for the whole class. "Yes there are!" he yelled at me!  (Insert speech about how we DO NOT yell at mommy!) Then I explained "No, we need 12 to have enough for the whole class, and we only have 4."   "We have 12!!" He yelled again, holding up a pack of.. yep, 4!! WhAt wAs hE ThInKinG? Ahhh!  Yeah, that conversation went nowhere!

Then, after school, while I was feeding the baby, JP and PB proceeded to throw all the Legos and puzzle pieces out the back porch window!! WHY!?

THEN! While he was supposed to be outside picking up all those pieces, he proceeds to TEAR OFF THE LATTICE SURROUNDING THE BACK PORCH!! All in a matter of minutes, while I changed the baby's diaper.

The entire time he was screaming about me being "mean" for making him clean it up and how it was so "not fair!"

Who is this child? He can't be my JP, because my JP knows better than that! We have talked endlessly about making good choices and how bad choices have bad consequences, yet he STILL chose to act this way? I don't get it.

Needless to say, he got some consequences. I had planned for us to go out for mexican tonight, since we had a coupon for buy-one-get-one-free for tonight. I was all excited to take the kids out, since they love that cheese dip (and that I wouldn't have to cook!) However, after the day's antics, we had to cancel that. (Speaking of unfair, my kids make bad choices and I get punished?! Oh well. ) He also had to miss soccer practice to instead spend that time cleaning up his mess, and then he had to go to bed without his story time. I hated to take that away, and I still feel guilty about it. BUT, since losing soccer practice, dinner out and dessert didn't fix his attitude, what was left?

Then, PB cried herself to sleep. I hate that, too. But she was mad that we made her clean up, and that she didn't get dessert. After explaining her choices caused the loss of her dessert privilege, she proceeded to call me "mean mommy." That's not fun to hear. Especially twice in one night. :(

Meanwhile, HC is begging to play Donkey Kong, and I explain to him I cannot handle one more battle tonight. He says it won't be a battle and he will turn it off as soon as we tell him to. So, Daddy lets him play. When bed time rolls around and we ask him to turn it off and put his PJs on, he starts crying!!!

Yeah, I had to go for a drive.. (had to pick up dinner anyway, since I hadn't planned to cook!) ... a drive with the windows down and my rockin' praise music by Thief on the Right blaring. The loud music and wind in my face helped calm me down significantly. Then the memories came rushing in about why I love these darn kids so much. Ahh, yes. That's right. I totally love them.


Ugh. Here's to praying tomorrow is better.



PS: Have you had a day/night like this lately? How did you handle it? Was the day after better? 

Making Time for Cinderella

Sunday night I did a really dumb thing. I almost missed it.

Luckily, before the moment was gone, a song came to mind reminding me not to miss it. It is another beautiful momentous song by Steven Curtis Chapman  called simply "Cinderella":

       "She spins and she sways
        To whatever song plays
        Without a care in the world
        And I'm sitting here wearing
        The weight of the world on my shoulders

        It's been a long day
        And there's still work to do
        She's pulling at me
        Saying "Dad, I need you

        There's a ball at the castle
        And I've been invited
        And I need to practice my dancing
        Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

"Ooooh I'll Dance with Cinderella..."

        So I will dance with Cinderella
        While she is here in my arms
        'Cause I know something the prince never knew
        Oooooh, I will dance with Cinderella
        I don't wanna miss even one song
        'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
        And she'll be gone..."


When this song first came out, I cried and cried each time I heard it playing, because this one sentence is ME: "It's been a long day / And there's still work to do / She's pulling at me / Saying "(Mom), I need you".   I hear myself replying "when I finish my work" to waaay too many requests from my kids. After this song came out, I made a vow to never do it again.


But Sunday night I almost did.  You see, I was busy working on end-of-month. At the end of each month, I have this huge Excel spreadsheet of stuff I have to bill for work so they can close the books out for the new month. Sunday night, I was frantically trying to get it finished before Monday morning (I was already behind! It should have been done by the 1st!) Usually at end-of-month, Chris will take care of putting the kids in bed and cleaning up after dinner so I can start working earlier than usual. But this particular night, Princess Ballerina decided she had to have me sing her bedtime songs. Chris and I take turns putting the boys and Princess to bed anyway so we can each share that special time with them throughout the week. So, typically at end-of-month, the kids are OK with Daddy putting them to bed and singing them their bedtime songs. For whatever reason, this night was different for her.

First, she asked nicely. I replied with my usual "tomorrow night I can baby girl, when I am finished with my work." So she begged "Pweeeeeeeease!" And I said "No sweetie, Mommy has work to finish." But then she got pitiful. "Mommy, I need you to sing me my songs!" And I realized I was forsaking a special moment with my girl for a measly extra few minutes of work. 5 minutes would really be all I had to sacrifice, two songs' worth.  Thankfully, God hit my upside the head and reminded me of Cinderella, and of the fact that two songs would barely be 5 minutes worth of missed work time. I realized I could totally give that up for my princess because she wanted MOMMY to sing her a song!

So I did. PB has two songs she always requests at bedtime lately: "On My Knees" by Jaci Velasquez and "Find your Wings" by Mark Harris. She calls them collectively "My knees and my wings Mommy!" I hope I never forget these moments. I hope I never miss one again.

Though I know I will.

It's comforting that even Steven Curtis Chapman almost missed a moment too!! He explains it here in the story behind the song. He wrote this song as a reminder of that almost-missed moment. I am glad he did. It continues to help me remember to focus on those moments and not let them go by. Our kids grow up too quickly as it is. It's my prayer that I can remember not to miss anymore of those precious moments.

Thanks for reading. Remember not to miss those moments with your loved ones.

Blessings,
Dianne


PS: Have you realized when you almost missed a moment but something (or Someone) slowed you down and helped you to see it before it was too late? Tell me about it! Let's help each other focus on moments & not let them slip by!!


What can we do to help us remember to slow down?? I really need help with this!!

Our Little Puzzle Peace

So far, I have attempted 3 separate blogs, none of which I kept up with very well! Some were for business, some for pleasure just to write my random thoughts on life, etc. But none had a real purpose of passion for me. This one does. I hope this one will be different. Life is still crazy and I may or may not keep up with it very well. BUT, my passion for it is to help others through this crazy life see that God has a bigger picture He is painting and YOU and I are a part of it, whether we believe it or not. We each fill one piece of that picture, like a giant puzzle. And sometimes, it doesn't make sense because we can't see all the pieces. Often things happen that we don't like. That's when we need His "peace that surpasses understanding" (Philippians 4:7) to cover us and help us through it.

So this is my new commitment to this blog, where I will therapy write my thoughts about life and motherhood, parenting and marriage down and hope and pray someone reads it and will be blessed by it. 

We are all a piece of God's Puzzle. My prayer is that you find His unexplainable Peace as you walk through it. 

Yes, I am a Wannabe

Life would be SO much easier
if God had given me 6 hands!

I'm a wannabe Supermom, a wannabe Stay-at-home-mom, and a wannabe Homeschooling mom. However, none of those are in my immediate future, so I have had to learn to come to peace with being a working mom. This has been a struggle for me though, because I often feel guilt over it. (That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?!) But, unfortunately it is very true.

And when do I feel the most guilt? When my maternity leave ends, and my numbered days of doing nothing but cuddling, nursing, and changing my baby are over and "real life" begins again. (Reality check: I know SAHMs have to do waaay more than that every day, but while we are recovering from the delivery, we are all told to do nothing more than that. Oh, and "sleep when baby sleeps", LOL. Yeah, like that can happen after baby #1!)

ANYWAY, yesterday was my first day back at work since January 7th. It was crazy. It was also kinda cool; I spoke with customers who apparently (and surprisingly!) missed me! It felt good to be missed. That helped ease the guilt some. I am also very spoiled and blessed with the job I have because Baby S was able to come to work with me. This is a HUGE blessing, since I don't have to leave him nor pump while at work. And I am eternally grateful to God for providing me with this opportunity and to my boss for being so flexible with me. He told me once the reason he wants to be flexible with me, though, is because he understands the conflict a working mom struggles with, and he wants to help me have "the best of both worlds" as much as possible.  A HUMUNGOUS BLESSING!   I know. So what's the problem?

It's that small voice inside that starts berating me for all I don't do. I read blogs or facebook updates from SAHMs about all the cool crafty activities they did with their kids that day and I whine, "why didn't I think of that?!"  Then my son comes home from a field trip crying "I wish you had come!" and my heart breaks. His field trip fell on the day I had committed to be back at work, but how do you explain that to a 6 year old?  Finally, I look around my house at the tornado of a mess it has become and I feel like the worst mom ever. My kids are gonna grow up thinking their mom flunked Mom 101 class.

But the Truth I know is this: God only expects me to do my best, and that is all He asks of me! So why do I demand more from  myself?

Silly girl.

So, tonight I Googled "Working Mom" and "Christian Working Mom" hoping to find some women who I'd have the most in common. So far all the blogs I have stumbled upon seem to be by SAHMs who are oh-so crafty and/or organized that I feel smaller and smaller each time I read their posts, making the guilt worse word by word! NOT their intended purpose, I'm sure, but it's what happens nonetheless. So, I had to find some blogs by moms like me.  To my surprise, there weren't many! Most of them had not been updated in a year or two. Bummer. Then...

Lightbulb!!...  (Shout out to the hilarious & delightful "Despicable Me")

...If I write it, maybe they will come! I sure hope so! Because we could use all the support we can get! LOL! No seriously, it can be tough sifting through the guilt, the jealousy and the lack of self confidence we women have in general, let alone the added (albeit self-perceived) defect of having to be a working mom. However, as a wise woman once told me:

"If you are alone with your thoughts, you believe everything you think"

We CANNOT try to do this on our own! Therefore, I commit to post more often to share with you how  I am doing with my struggle, and what I am doing to handle it. I hope you will comment and share your struggles and insights as well, that way we can help lift each other up and help each other on our way.

Well, it's getting late, so I guess I better finish nursing the baby and try to get some sleep before the next feeding. Gotta get to work in the morning, you know. LOL.

Blessings,
Dianne

PS:... Working moms, do you struggle with guilt over having to work? How do handle it? What do you do that helps?

...And to our Stay at Home counterparts, from what I hear from my friends, you have struggles of your own, as well. What do you struggle with? How do you handle it?

I'd love to hear from all of you!

Introducing... Baby S!

FINALLY!!! He's here!! All 5 pounds 4 ounces of him!!!  It has been a long, hard wait, but he is Oh So Worth it!  Have a look:

Isn't he the cutest?!  (I know, I'm biased.)


His due date wasn't until March 28th, but I guess he just couldn't wait any longer! Now that he is here and healthy as can be, I am quite thrilled he made his healthy debut 4 weeks early! That bed rest was about to drive me crazy!!  But when labor started on the late evening of February 28th, this time, they couldn't stop it and Sweet Baby was born Tuesday morning March 1st. He required no breathing machines, or feeding tubes, thank you Father!  We are just struggling with his bilirubin levels, but Dr. Sisk has a plan for that.

So, I will revel in this new little miracle gift, and enjoy the cuddly days ahead. I may be absent for a little while ;)

My Inspirations

There they are. My inspirations. R, my creative thinker, K my passionate sensitive one, and C, the Princess. 

They inspire me for everything!!!  To live life to the fullest, to cherish the little moments in life, and to believe when there is no reason to. 


They are also the reason I fell in love with photography. You can read that how that journey unfolded here. 


Mostly, they inspire me to love. I love how unconditionally they love. I want to be like them when I grow up ;)

THE BEST POTTY TRAINING EXPERIENCE - EVER!!

Yep! I said it!!! Though it was a battle and a nightmare the first time around, I learned something VERY valuable...   follow the leader!!!  (And, the leader is..... YOUR CHILD!!!)  THE RESULT?!.....   Quite possibly the BEST POTTY TRAINING EXPERIENCE EVER!!!!

Yes folks, I am happy to announce that JP is officially potty trained!!!! And how many days' struggle  effort did it take?   0!!!! Yep... that's a big fat goose egg you see!!!!!

HOW DID WE DO IT? Well, let me tell ya....



After my first battle with potty training left us all feeling like we were railroaded with everyone else's "you should's" and "Do this" and "you musts", this time around I felt like I was going to be in charge. I was NOT going to let peer pressure make me force JP into potty training, just because everyone jumps off a bridge doesn't mean we have to, right? I was also NOT going to let a preschool determine when my son was ready, NO... I was going to let HIM tell ME.  Oh sure, I encouraged it: we read books about potty training, and we talked about what a big boy he would be when he finally decided he is ready, and what big boy privileges will come with that decision. He really wanted Spider Man underwear, so we bought him some and told him when he was ready, he could put them on. But not until he was SURE he was ready.

Low and behold, I come home from work last Friday and guess what ?! My BABY BOY IS WEARING UNDERWEAR!!!!   How did this happen? I asked Granny, my awesome mother-in-law who keeps the kids for me while I am at work.

"Well," she said, "he came up to me this morning and said he was a big boy now and he did not need diapers anymore, that he wanted to wear his big boy Spider Man underwear."

"AND? How did he do? Any accidents today?!" I timidly asked.

"Not a one!" She declared!!! "He has diligently told me each time he needs to go, #1 AND #2, with perfect timing all day!"

I COULD NOT believe my eyes or ears. But surely there would be a learning curve, I thought to myself.

YET... here we are a week later and still.... NO ACCIDENTS!!!! I am in shock as I did not expect it to go this easy. Sure I was told it would be easier this time around, especially since he has a big brother to watch. But secretly, I feared because we are still having issues with HC's timing. He still has accidents and he is 5! So I was unsure how JP would do. But I just had to go ahead and post this because I think in this case, the potty has been conquered quite effortlessly, and I hope it is an encouragement to those moms like I used to be who are unsure if this day will ever come for them. I really, truly believe the key was letting K take the lead in this one.

Our Little Miracle

After ups and downs with this pregnancy, it is finally and happily over. Though our due date wasn't until April 2, 2008, our Princess just couldn't wait, and made her debut instead on February 22. And she is our little miracle.  Thank you to everyone who has been praying for her and for us all during this scary time.

This is going to be a looong post, but for those of you who wanted to know the whole story,  here it is:

You see, I went in for what I hoped was going to be a normal 34 week appointment. Yes, we had been battling pre-term labor, but I had been on medications for it and so far, had not dilated at all, so we were doing good. Or so I thought.

At 30 weeks I got a really bad stomach bug and had to go to the hospital for IV's to stop throwing up. Then, the contractions started again, and it took them 2 shots of terbutaline to stop them so they kept me overnight. Fun. Then, a week later, the contractions started yet again so back to the hospital we go, and this time they sent me home with a pill version of terbutaline. So at my 32 week appointment, my doctor asked me how I'd been feeling, and I told her fine. Much better, just a few contractions here and there but otherwise fine. Apparently that was not a good answer because immediately she sent me to the sonogram room, just to "check on the baby." There we found baby was fine, but my amniotic fluids were low, apparently this can be a side effect of the preterm meds I have been on, or it could be a defective placenta, she said. She ordered me to drink at least a gallon of water every day and she would recheck me in two days. Two days later the fluids looked like they were back up, so she was pleased. Looks like it was the terbutaline dehydrating me, so they take me off the meds and opt for the lesser of two evils: at this point, preterm labor is safer than a dry amniotic sac. Cool, I can handle that. I'll chug water like a mad woman. Still she wanted to recheck me the next Monday. We go in to that appointment and the fluids are down again, not too bad, but not up where they should be. I get the "you;re not drinking enough water" lecture and for good measure, a steroid shot to help mature baby's lungs. She'll recheck me the next week- REST, WATER, GET UP ONLY TO PEE!!!! She said.

So here we go for the 34 week appointment, with my bladder full to exploding and my confidence up that I have done my very best mommy-job at resting, drinking water and getting up only to pee (with the wonderful help of my hubby, and phenomenal family and friends). I am ready to hear "All is well, see you next week" when suddenly, she says... "Go the the hospital, we need to take this baby out RIGHT NOW."

WHAT?!

Please explain!, I begged her. "You're baby's fluids are gone and your contractions are back. If you go into full blown labor the contractions will kill her because she has NO FLUIDS protecting her. We have to get her out NOW."  So, apparently, it was a bad placenta, not the terbutaline, and now an emergency C-Section was in order. I was contracting, too, so the baby might not make it. What? My long awaited for, precious baby girl? Might. Die? If she did make it, she would likely need to go to the NICU and be hooked up to machines, she warned me. I went into full-fledged panic mode. All I could do was pray. 

My father-in-law (PawPaw) had taken me to the doctor as my hubby was at work, ironically at a baby shower for our little girl that the other teachers had surprised him with.  PawPaw calls Chris and tells him the news as he drives me to the hospital. The entire time he reminds me God is in control, just pray and trust God.  I want to scream but I know that will do no good, so instead I pray. (How else would you get through something like this without God? I cannot imagine.) 

As they prep me, I prayed.

As I waited for an operating table, I prayed.

My husband arrived. We prayed.

Finally they wheel me in and start the meds. I prayed. 

As they start to cut, I panic. I start crying and my husband starts praying for me.

Suddenly, I hear the words to a song I haven't heard in a long, long time. From the speakers? No, they are playing some elevator music. No, this was coming from INSIDE ME:

"You are my strength when I am weak,

You are the treasure that I seek,

You are my all in all."

I started to bawl just as this unexplainable but definitive peace washed over me. God was there. In that operating room, with me. He was with my baby girl. He was with the doctors taking her out too early. He was being my strength when I was being weak.

When I am dry you fill my cup

You are my all in all."

I had fallen down, in a pit of fear and darkness. He was picking me up. I was dry, and they had to take my baby out too early. But He would fill my cup.  He was all I needed, and in that moment, I knew I would be OK. I felt like she would too, hoped maybe. But I knew  I would be ok. I relaxed and let the doctors do their thing, when I hear the MOST WONDERFUL SOUND IN THE WORLD...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Our baby was out and she was ALIVE!!!!! They whisked her away to check on her but I could HEAR her! She was alive!!! I started crying and thanking God, we made it over the first hurdle. They sewed me up and sent me to recovery.

Now the waiting began.  Where was my baby? 

They had taken her to check her vitals and breathing, etc. It seemed to take forever! Finally they brought her to us! There she was, our perfect, beautiful baby girl. All 5 lbs 6 ounces of her. 17 and 1/2 inches long. Sweet baby girl, our little Princess Ballerina. No breathing tubes, no machines, no IV's. Our little miracle.

The next week was just a little mini-roller coaster compared to the day we had on her birthday. She would lose weight, not eat, desaturate oxygen levels, etc. and we'd have to stay "one more day". Then she became jaundiced and had to lay in the billi table for 24 hours. (She looked like a glow-worm, we thought!) But after a week and a half, she had regained enough weight, mastered eating and gotten her color back enough to be sent home! (Granted, she was sent home with in-home nurse care, but still, we got to go home!)  I know of so many couples whose babies' stories do not end like this. Some end tragically. Others, are still fighting, like a couple in our church whose twin boys were born at 28 weeks. (Please pray for Noah and Matthew!) So though it was terrifying, I am grateful to be through it. 

Thank you Lord, for our baby girl. Thank you for providing your peace through the fear. Thank you for Our Little Miracle.

It's A....

GIRL!!!!   YES Ladies and Gentlemen!!! We just had our Sonogram today and the tech confirmed this is our baby girl!!!

There we were in the room, waiting for that moment when she touches the sonogram probe to my belly. I was quite nervous. What if after all this confidence I was wrong? Another boy would be fine, but still. Was I wrong?

Then she touches my belly and says "there, can you tell what it is?"

Being my 3rd pregnancy, I guess she assumed I would be able to tell. I looked carefully, and could not bring myself to say it, "Is.... Is that a girl?!"  (I had never seen a girl's sonogram before!)

"YES!" She confirmed!!!

"Are you SURE?"  I asked her, not quite believing what I was seeing, "I mean, sonograms CAN BE wrong."

"Honey," she said, "I have done over 19,000 sonograms and I have NEVER been wrong." She states.

She's NEVER BEEN WRONG?!?! I repeated in my head.  Though I had been declaring it for the past 4 months, I could not believe it. We are going to have a little girl!!!!

The Potty VS The Mommy

I think that Potty Training is the arch nemesis of mothers everywhere. Correct me if I am wrong. I can deal with just about everything else, but this Potty Training thing is KILLING ME!!!! There are a number of issues at hand:

1. How was I supposed to know HC was/is ready? He turned three a couple weeks ago, but we have been battling this for a year and a half! I started him when I was told I was "supposed to start potty training." I am afraid we started too soon, and now we have messed him up. For life?
   
2. The preschool says he cannot attend if he is not fully potty-trained. WHAT?!? Talk about pressure!!!  For me and for the little guy!!
   
3. I feel like we are going in circles, success one week then two steps back the next. I hear stories from friends whose kids potty trained in weeks, even days!!! But I tell you... we've been at it for a year and a half!!!

And so how exactly does a mom figure this out with her first child? How did you? I'd love any insight you can share!!!