Unbelievable FREEDOM

Do you want to know how many "drafts" I have sitting in my blog dashboard right now?
11. ELEVEN y'all!

Do you want to know why?

Because so often, at least 11 times apparently, I sit down to write a post, full of words spilling out of me that must be shared with the world- whether or not anyone is actually going to read them- because if I don't I'll bust. But then? Something causes me to hit the "Save" button instead of "Publish".

It's that small voice whispering lies...

"No one cares what you have to say."

"WHO is going to take precious time from their day to read anything YOU have written?!"

"If you post this, people will lash out at you!!"

and so on.....

But today, I realized, something- or Someone- prompted me to write those words to begin with. And by never finishing it, I've failed the mission those words had been given. Someone DID need to read them. Even if it was just me.

     -SO-

Over the next few days I will be publishing all those posts and then some. If any of them offend you, I'm sorry. If they move you, hurrah! But I have words spilling out of my words here. A heart about to burst wide open with unshared sentiments and lessons learned yearning to be shared out loud, if only as a confirmation to myself that they exist. And then, IF someone happens to read them and be encouraged, inspired or enveloped in that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that provides a PEACE THAT SURPASSES UNDERSTANDING... then A-M-E-N! Because God is So Good. He has been SUPER patient with me, as well as Incredibly Merciful and Abundantly Gracious to me. And I can keep quiet no longer. So forgive me for the mysterious silence so far. And forgive me for the cascade of emotional shrapnel about to start flying from this blog.

What, you may ask, prompted this Revelation? (ha! that's funny right there because we just began a study of the book of Revelation at CBS last week! I didn't realize I used that word until I went back and reread this.)

THESE. WORDS.:

"If you want to discover what happens when parents and children alike learn to live from the freedom found in being wholeheartedly and unconditionally loved (and liked!) by God, you’ve found the right place. I hope you’ll stay a while and share your journey with me."

From the blog by the author of Parenting the Wholehearted Child, Jeannie Cunnion.  She has no idea I wrote this. She has no idea the impact her blog, book, and posts have had on my life. She probably has no idea who I am; but that doesn't matter. GOD. DOES. And He sent me to her blog to read that. perfect. little. description: "what happens when.... (we) learn to live from the freedom found in being wholeheartedly and unconditionally loved (and liked!) by God."

Y'all. I fell OVER. Flat on my face when I read those words. THAT'S IT. That's all there is to it. Do you want to know what life is all about? THAT'S IT. Do you want to know how to fix the problems in this world? THAT'S IT. Do you want to know how to find peace in YOUR life? THAT'S. IT. 

It sounds over simplistic, but I'm telling you, it's not. It is both utterly PROFOUND and SIMPLE at the same time. She can probably explain it all way better than I can. BUT, I'm realizing God has led us each down different paths, with different life experiences for a reason... they all reach the same conclusion, FREEDOM IN HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, but her story is not my story. It is a part of my story now, yes. Each is a story of how God brought a broken girl through to His Truth. And each story is a powerful testimony of God's mercy, grace and love that needs to be shared, if only to being Glory to the one who loves us. Unconditionally, y'all. Messy and all. I've had that Freedom and I've squandered it. No More, my friend, no more.

So, I must write. I must share what I've learned: all about the Scripture He's captured my heart with and the fire He's used to refine me and the Love He's showered upon me. Because, I know, someone is out there hurting and broken. Desperate and lonely. Wondering and questioning. And somehow, these words might find you and be the stepping stone that begins YOUR path to Freedom. Oh what an honor that would be.

Truly. That is my greatest desire. For everyone to find this Freedom.


Unbelievable Freedom. In Christ.


And if this reaches 1. Only One.
It will be totally worth it.

Encounter

Encounter is a class held by FaithBridge Foster Care to introduce prospective families to foster care.

For a while, we've been feeling like God might be calling us to become a foster family. We've been praying and researching for a while. But with finances a challenge, my work situation a challenge, it seemed like a far off goal. Something we can consider when I am able to quit work or when hubby finds a better job. So we just kept praying waiting for God to say go.

Then we heard about FaithBridge and their Encounter class. We figured it couldn't help to go to that class and just get more information. The class wasn't a commitment to begin Fostering, it was simply informational. So we signed up.

Then, the day of the class, hubby got sick. Really sick. We were not going to be able to go, so I called the office to cancel our reservation. The lady who answered was so kind and helpful! She asked if I had any questions I wanted to ask her since we weren't going to be able to go to the class. (Of course I did!!) She stayed on the phone with me for over half an hour! I know God knew we would not be able to go to the class, and He provided a way for us to get just a little more information on that piece of the puzzle He may have for us. As I look back at other times in my life when I was unsure but I trused God and plowed through, I can see evidence of His work all over it. It's hard to see it when you are in the middle of it, but hind sight is, as they say, 20/20. One day, I know I will look back on our foster care/adoption journey and see His work all over it. I believe this lady will be part of that.

Though we didn't get to go to the class and we haven't taken any other steps towards fostering yet, that kind lady's helpfulness gave us full confidence that we had at least found the organization that would help us find our place in this calling. Can't wait to see what God has in store for our little family.

If you are considering or even wondering about foster care, check them out. They have developed a foster care model that will enable more families to help because they have put support methods in place so that foster families are not alone in the journey. It is brilliant, Biblical and necessary. So many kids need love and support and through FaithBridge and Christ-centered families like yours and (hopefully) mine, we can change their world!

Our Little Puzzle Peace

So far, I have attempted 3 separate blogs, none of which I kept up with very well! Some were for business, some for pleasure just to write my random thoughts on life, etc. But none had a real purpose of passion for me. This one does. I hope this one will be different. Life is still crazy and I may or may not keep up with it very well. BUT, my passion for it is to help others through this crazy life see that God has a bigger picture He is painting and YOU and I are a part of it, whether we believe it or not. We each fill one piece of that picture, like a giant puzzle. And sometimes, it doesn't make sense because we can't see all the pieces. Often things happen that we don't like. That's when we need His "peace that surpasses understanding" (Philippians 4:7) to cover us and help us through it.

So this is my new commitment to this blog, where I will therapy write my thoughts about life and motherhood, parenting and marriage down and hope and pray someone reads it and will be blessed by it. 

We are all a piece of God's Puzzle. My prayer is that you find His unexplainable Peace as you walk through it. 

A Birthday Reminder

Here I am feeling all sorry for myself and bored out of my mind, when it hits me how incredibly blessed  I am.

Thank you, Lord, for the smack upside the head.

I have been on complete bed rest, albeit at home, for the past 6 weeks. At first it sounded good, like the idea of resting up all I could before bringing baby home would be phenomenal. However, it has been less than phenomenal. It has been downright hard, miserable even. I usually hate complaining, but I am all out of patience. I have been vomiting, contracting, cramping and sore for 6 weeks and I feel like I can't take anymore. I have lost so much weight that I now only weigh 2 pounds more than my pre-pregnancy weight, and though that sounds great, it terrifies me. How can a growing baby survive when his mother is losing weight?!  I so desperately want him to be healthy, but I am now desperate to have him out of me! Doesn't that sound awful?! I feel like a terrible mother for even thinking it. I usually relish each pregnancy, loving the miracle going on inside me and the feeling of baby kicking healthy and strong. So why is it so different this time? Will I bond with this baby? Will I feel differently towards him, love him any less?

Argh, those are dumb, dumb questions, I know. But I just had to vent. My Bible Study leader says (of the importance of having safe, Godly relationships to share life with vs trying to "be strong" and do it alone) that "when we are alone with our thoughts, we believe everything we think." So, since all I've had is time alone, by myself, and these thoughts, crazy as they may be, are the ones swirling around in my head, strange as it sounds - I am starting to believe them! Therefore, I thought it was time I shared them, vented them out loud in effort to hopefully stop them from seeming so real.

LOL, it worked, because now that I see them typed out in front of me they seem pretty ridiculous!

To occupy my time, I have also been reading blogs. Tons of blogs. There is this one I just finished reading, though, that broke my heart. It is the blog of a young mom who delivered her baby girl after going into preterm labor at 25 weeks! Her baby girl is still in the NICU, and her due date was February 20. So this week, her baby girl is supposed to be a newborn but she is 3 months old and struggling to survive. I cried as I caught up on her blog. (Don't always get to read; hard to lay flat and read from a laptop on your tummy). I have never met her, but she is the sister-in-law of one of my very best friends, so I have known about her situation since her pre-term labor began, and have been praying for her, her husband and daughter every day since. She writes with such raw emotion, though that you can't help but feel her pain. Then, realizing that my daughter's birthday was yesterday, February 22, while reading about this baby's plight brought me back to my own daughter's situation three years ago exactly. I remembered how terrified I felt when I went in for a regular appointment at 34 weeks and was told "we have to take her out, NOW!" then they whisked me to the hospital for an emergency C-Section. Her amniotic fluid had dried up, and she might not make it they told me. My baby girl. My precious princess. Might. Die. I couldn't bear the thought, all I could do was pray and beg God to have mercy on my daughter and please, just LET HER LIVE. Now, this precious mom is in the same situation. Everyday brings a twist and turn, it's a roller coaster ride of uncertainty. Please pray for her and her baby girl, Scarlette. I pray that three years from now, she looks back at how far they've come and sees the 3 year old beautiful dancing girl before her and treasures the miracle played out in front of her. It can happen. It will happen. We only had a week of terror with our Princess, but it was the longest week of my life. Today, when I look at her I can hardly believe I almost forgot how we fought for her, and prayed for her. She is so healthy and whole. A Bright, beautiful, dancing, chatty healthy little girl. Thank you Father, for saving her. I beg you, Father, please do the same for baby Scarlette. 


Suddenly, I realized how very blessed I am that my preterm labor WAS stopped and we are now at a blessed 35 weeks. This baby will be fine. I will be fine. God is in control and I CAN Trust Him.

 
Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess! 


Thank you, Father for this Birthday Reminder.

And Baby Makes 5!!

I am sooooo excited to be able to announce that we are expecting baby #3!!!!!  And somewhere, deep inside of me, I KNOW that this is our girl!!!!!

However, I have my skeptics. The nay-sayers who don't believe. Just kidding, they are just looking at the facts. Like the fact that my husbands mother had two boys. I have had two (wonderful, precious, amazing) boys (whom I ADORE!!!!) And m husband's brother has a boy. Yep, all boys in this family! But, doesn't that mean we are overdue for a girl?  I'm just sayin.

My first appointment will be August 6th, so we will get to see our baby's heartbeat and confirm how far along we are. In a few months we'll know if she's a girl. I guess for now, I will ponder these things in my heart, like Mary did. Can I confess something though?  I started a journal for our journey to baby #3 in May and since then, I have started every entry "Dear Princess", just knowing in my heart that this one is our long-awaited for, much prayed for baby girl. But my family and friends think I am setting myself up for disappointment, including my dear hubby. But how could I be disappointed if I end up with another healthy, beautiful baby boy?! No way. Either way I will praise the Lord. However, I just KNOW this one's a girl!!!