Choking on the Internet

Chewing Gum and the Internet.

What do these have in common? Nothing really, except I just had a revelation at how one can be used to teach responsibility on the other. Sounds crazy, I know, but stick with me for a few minutes!...

My little girl INSISTS she is old enough to chew gum.  She just turned 3. Now sometimes, she does ok with it, she'll chew just one piece, then spit it out in the trash. However, this is usually only when/if I am hovering over her reminding her to only put in ONE PIECE and to spit it out when she is through. Yesterday, though, I forgot to hover, and sure enough, she swallowed it! Come to find out, she had THREE pieces in her mouth!!! (Thanks to her generous big brother K, who was only trying to share, LOL.)   AAHHHH! She could have choked! I panicked!

Out comes the Mommy Lecture. I sat all three of them down and told them I had to explain this very important rule to them and that they needed to pay close attention:

• There is a RIGHT time and a WRONG time for EVERYTHING!!  And I quoted:

• Ecclesiastes 3

  A Time for Everything

   ¹ There is a time for everything,
     and a season for every activity under the heavens

 I told them how many, many times, we think we know what's best for us, but really only God knows what's best for us and He laid it out in His Word. And His Word says that parents should seek out wisdom from God, and kids should seek out wisdom from their parents. Wisdom... because only wisdom can really tell you how to make right choices in life. And when we think we know what's best, we think we can make the right choices for us, however, we make choices based on what we want, not what is best for us at the appropriate time. It all comes down to timing! You see, there is a right time to chew gum, but NOT at 3 years old when we can't remember the rules! Just like there is a right time to drive, at 16.... can you imagine a baby driving a car?, I asked them. (They chuckled.)  Right, I said, so three years old is NOT the right time to chew gum! So no matter how much you want to share (brothers) or how bad you want to chew gum (Princess), NOW IS NOT THE TIME.  Do you understand? I asked.

Um, yea. They nodded but looked a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I went overboard, a little. OK, maybe a lot. But all that came out of nowhere!! It just came pouring out of me like a milk jug in a, well, three year old's hand.

When, suddenly I realized, NO. This did NOT come out of nowhere. God gave me those words and we are laying a foundation for future discussions. Those inevitable discussions about dating, sex, and parties. Oh, my teenage kids are going to hate me. But I am already preparing myself to prepare them for a life of purity. Whoa! How did I get from gum to internet to purity?!  WOW, my brain jumps all over the place. BUT.... THE THING IS, PURITY BEGINS WITH THE HEART, AND THE EYES ARE THE WINDOWS TO THE HEART.   And now, with technology as it is, the internet is unbelievably easy to access by kids of all ages!!!   This has become one of my greatest fears, and challenges. To figure out how to protect my kids from the internet when it is spreading like the swine flu and being practically forced down our throats from every angle.

Oh, I KNOW, thee are tons of resources for protecting our kids, and I am  eternally grateful for those! (Here is a quick list in case you need some  ideas, each of these can lead you to more:

1. Safe Eyes (a computer/internet monitoring service)
2. XXX Church (another computer/internet monitoring service)
3. Focus on the Family (what don't they have? If you need it, they got it on here.)
4. PluggedIn Online (reviews media in detail so you can decide if it is safe for your family or not)
5. Pure Intimacy (articles, resources etc. for how to overcome sexual addictions & protec your family from them)
6. True Love Waits (an entire program dedicated to teaching youth about purity, lots of helpful stuff for parents)
7. Pam Stenzel (Dynamic author/speaker on the importance of abstinence and teaching it to our youth.)

However, I am the FIRST PERSON in charge of my kids' purity. (Well, hubby and me, of course.) And it is NEVER too early to start laying the foundations for purity. Especially when their choices regarding purity will effect them for their ENTIRE LIVES!!!

You see, R, my 6 year old, is already feeling  the alure of the magical, wonderful internet. We have our computers all set up with filters, timers, password protected access and monitoring. This has begun to frustrate R, because when he learns about a new website at school, he can't just come home and type it in. Nope. He has to tell me about it, let me check it out privately and then add it to his list of approved websites before he can access it. MANY, MANY times he has asked if he can't just have my password for adding sites. Nope. And then he defers to the ever popular response... "that's not fair! Don't you trust me?"   Yes, R, I do trust YOU, I tell him, and I remind him what a GREAT JOB he  does at protecting his heart by closing his eyes whenever we run into anything inappropriate, either in public or on TV.  BUT, I tell him, it's the internet I do not trust. All it would take would be one wrong keystroke and he would be whisked away to a website that would bombard him with inappropriate images and words before he even knew what happened, choking him then and there before he even had a chance at protecting himself.  He immediately stops arguing, and though I know he does not completely understand, I pray these little lessons are being stored away in his precious little heart for that time when he'll need to remember them. The inevitable time when temptation will come roaring in his face trying to force him to make a decision that could cost him even the tiniest bit of his purity.

And so, you see my friend. We CAN choke on the internet. It happens all the time to men, women and children before they are even aware of what's happening to them.  However, there is hope for recovery. (Please email me if you need to know more about this hope. I have GOBS of details to give you, just not here, right now.) But wouldn't it be better to not ever have to suffer with it to begin with? THAT is my goal in teaching my kids (all kids, really) the importance of making the right choices, at the right time. Starting with chewing gum.  Call me crazy.

A Birthday Reminder

Here I am feeling all sorry for myself and bored out of my mind, when it hits me how incredibly blessed  I am.

Thank you, Lord, for the smack upside the head.

I have been on complete bed rest, albeit at home, for the past 6 weeks. At first it sounded good, like the idea of resting up all I could before bringing baby home would be phenomenal. However, it has been less than phenomenal. It has been downright hard, miserable even. I usually hate complaining, but I am all out of patience. I have been vomiting, contracting, cramping and sore for 6 weeks and I feel like I can't take anymore. I have lost so much weight that I now only weigh 2 pounds more than my pre-pregnancy weight, and though that sounds great, it terrifies me. How can a growing baby survive when his mother is losing weight?!  I so desperately want him to be healthy, but I am now desperate to have him out of me! Doesn't that sound awful?! I feel like a terrible mother for even thinking it. I usually relish each pregnancy, loving the miracle going on inside me and the feeling of baby kicking healthy and strong. So why is it so different this time? Will I bond with this baby? Will I feel differently towards him, love him any less?

Argh, those are dumb, dumb questions, I know. But I just had to vent. My Bible Study leader says (of the importance of having safe, Godly relationships to share life with vs trying to "be strong" and do it alone) that "when we are alone with our thoughts, we believe everything we think." So, since all I've had is time alone, by myself, and these thoughts, crazy as they may be, are the ones swirling around in my head, strange as it sounds - I am starting to believe them! Therefore, I thought it was time I shared them, vented them out loud in effort to hopefully stop them from seeming so real.

LOL, it worked, because now that I see them typed out in front of me they seem pretty ridiculous!

To occupy my time, I have also been reading blogs. Tons of blogs. There is this one I just finished reading, though, that broke my heart. It is the blog of a young mom who delivered her baby girl after going into preterm labor at 25 weeks! Her baby girl is still in the NICU, and her due date was February 20. So this week, her baby girl is supposed to be a newborn but she is 3 months old and struggling to survive. I cried as I caught up on her blog. (Don't always get to read; hard to lay flat and read from a laptop on your tummy). I have never met her, but she is the sister-in-law of one of my very best friends, so I have known about her situation since her pre-term labor began, and have been praying for her, her husband and daughter every day since. She writes with such raw emotion, though that you can't help but feel her pain. Then, realizing that my daughter's birthday was yesterday, February 22, while reading about this baby's plight brought me back to my own daughter's situation three years ago exactly. I remembered how terrified I felt when I went in for a regular appointment at 34 weeks and was told "we have to take her out, NOW!" then they whisked me to the hospital for an emergency C-Section. Her amniotic fluid had dried up, and she might not make it they told me. My baby girl. My precious princess. Might. Die. I couldn't bear the thought, all I could do was pray and beg God to have mercy on my daughter and please, just LET HER LIVE. Now, this precious mom is in the same situation. Everyday brings a twist and turn, it's a roller coaster ride of uncertainty. Please pray for her and her baby girl, Scarlette. I pray that three years from now, she looks back at how far they've come and sees the 3 year old beautiful dancing girl before her and treasures the miracle played out in front of her. It can happen. It will happen. We only had a week of terror with our Princess, but it was the longest week of my life. Today, when I look at her I can hardly believe I almost forgot how we fought for her, and prayed for her. She is so healthy and whole. A Bright, beautiful, dancing, chatty healthy little girl. Thank you Father, for saving her. I beg you, Father, please do the same for baby Scarlette. 


Suddenly, I realized how very blessed I am that my preterm labor WAS stopped and we are now at a blessed 35 weeks. This baby will be fine. I will be fine. God is in control and I CAN Trust Him.

 
Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess! 


Thank you, Father for this Birthday Reminder.

A Picture of Real Love

This has been a really tough week. We found out on Monday that my sweet mother-in-law would not live past the end of the week. Yesterday at 11:20 am, she indeed went home to be with the Lord.

As painful as this process has been, Chris and I feel tremendously blessed by the picture of Real Love we have seen between Larry and Sherry. In almost 42 years of marriage, Chris saw them love each other through good times and bad. He saw them fight and make up, so much so that he grew up assuming all marriages last forever, and fights are just bumps in the road, not a fork in the road to cause separation. They modeled a selfless love to each of their boys, and to everyone else who knew them. Even to the very end, they were each thinking only about the other before themselves: Larry would not leave her side, and Sherry, on her deathbed would "nag" at him: "Larry, did you eat? Larry, go home and get some rest! Larry, make sure you eat something!" All the while, he is holding her hand, rubbing it to keep it warm as she passed from this life to the next.


I cannot fathom how painful that must have been for both of them. But to the end, he was holding her hand, loving her.


She asked him earlier this week what he thought it was like to die. His answer I think is the most beautiful one I have ever heard. He said, "Well, I think it's like when you are a kid and you fall asleep in the living room and your parents carry you to bed. You wake up in the morning in your own bed and you don't know how you got there. I think you just fall asleep here on earth and wake up in Heaven."  That answer gave her such peace.


All of us were staying together at their house to be near her these last few days. She was in pain, yet fighting to not leave us.  Yesterday morning, as she kept fighting, Larry finally told her, "it's OK for you to go."  Chris tells me it was soon after she went. Like she needed to know Larry was OK with it; that we would all be OK with it. And though it is so very painful for us, we KNOW she is with the Lord today, has been for almost a whole day now! And she is whole, and happy and no longer in pain. She is wither her parents she lost years ago, holding our baby Camryn we lost in November 2009, as well as the one my sister-in-law lost in January of that year. 


Though painful, I had to share this with you because it is yet another example of the Peace that comes from our Gracious Father to help us through things we can't understand. Thank you, Father. You are so Good to us.

WE LOVE YOU GRANNY/MOM/SHERRY!!! WE WILL MISS YOU GREATLY, BUT WE WILL CELEBRATE YOUR HOMECOMING 
AS YOU WISHED <3


AND WE LOVE YOU, PAPAW/DAD/LARRY!! YOUR EXAMPLE OF FAITH AND STRENGTH DURING THIS TIME IS A TESTAMENT TO 
YOUR LIVES TOGETHER!

THANK YOU BOTH for the example of Love 
you modeled for us all !!!!

29 weeks and counting

Whew! This pregnancy has definitely been the toughest by far. To me, it confirms that I am finished having babies biologically, and anymore children we have will be through the miracle of adoption. We have always had a passion for adoption, and hope to one day be blessed with the opportunity to adopt.  For now, however, we need to make it through this pregnancy safe and sound.

I am at 29 weeks, and have gone into pre-term labor. My doctor has put me on medications to stop (really, slow) the contractions and modified bed rest to prevent full-blown labor. Yikes! With three kids, ages 2,4, and 6 and a full time job, this isn't going to be easy!!! BUT, luckily (or blessedly I should say!) I have the privilege to be able to work from home. This relieves the stress of losing half our income so soon. Now I just have to figure out how to "rest" with three monkeys on the loose! My doc hopes we can make it to week 38!   Soooo.... we'll see how these next hopefully 9 weeks will go. I am trying to TRUST, but can't help be a little nervous and afraid.

Thanks for letting me share. If you have any advice, please share :)

Cheetohs from a New Perspective

Oh yes!!! I CANNOT WAIT to share this one!!!!!  Look at these:

A tempting plate of Cheetohs. Yum.

Until R decides to share his insight on this usually tasty, cheesy snack:

"Did you ever notice how they make Cheetohs the same shape as poop? It's like we're eating orange, cheese flavored mini poop!"

Ugh! Craving cured! I will never look at a Cheetoh in the same way again. Will you?

R, however, proceeds to pop one in his mouth and declared "Yum! Orange Mini Poop!"

Letting Go of A Dream

Too often, life doesn't go the way we planned.  It is a hard reality to accept. My kids balk "It's NOT FAIR!!" And I want to scream it, too. Though, I know it will do no good.

I don't even know why I am writing this post other than it is, once again, therapeutic. My heart is so heavy right now, it hurts. But that sounds so silly. Nobody died this time. Except my dream.

Oh, I sound sooo dramatic! I'm sorry! But let me explain.

For months I have been planning a Private Portrait Session with Santa. It turned into a great, big fun event at The @ Arts at West Cobb. Miss LaLa had planned an entire Holiday Party to break in the Holidays with, and the excitement was real! She had crafts, games, music, food and even a Magic Show planned! All that while we would be taking unique custom portraits with Santa during 15 minute private sessions. As the date neared (which was today, November 20) I got more and more excited, and nervous as well. But I had ideas just exploding out of me, and I literally could not wait. 

There were a few hurdles to jump. First, the decorations I had secured were lost. The home decor store who was going to supply them backed out 10 days before the event! I quickly found decorations, thanks to my wonderful church Burnt Hickory Baptist Church. But then, we HAD to find a Santa Chair!!! I called dozens of places. They all were either out of stock of the right kind of chair, or waaaay too expensive and unwilling to help with their price.  However, just 3 days before the event, as always, God comes through!  The company I have worked for, wow, for over 8 years, allowed me to use a chair in their front lobby! It was perfect! A burgundy wing-back chair with gold stud accents. Thank you Freedom Electronics!!

Since it all came together so perfectly, and God seemed to be ushering it all in, I thought, this was really it!! My big kick-off event!!! The opportunity I've been waiting for to get my photography business up and running. 

See, I was overwhelmed and truly honored by the response I received after I shot several maternity sessions and a newborn sessions over the summer. The momentum was really starting to pick up. Then, pregnancy nausea hit me like a ton of bricks and literally knocked me off my feet. I had to cancel, put off, and reschedule so many sessions. Oh, it was so hard. But I had to put baby first. After last year's miscarriage, I could not risk pushing myself for my own gain. 

Then, Thursday (November 18) was my birthday. And I woke up SICK. Sooooo sick. Actually, it started the night before, I had an almost 102 degree fever. I called my doctor right away and she said "TO BED!! I'll call you in a prescription, drink gobs of fluids, and take Tylenol around the clock until your fever breaks. Until it does, STAY IN BED!!"  By Thursday I was worse, had to cancel my fun, once-a-year birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. But, I thought, if I rest, hopefully I will be better by the weekend. 

      NOPE.

By Friday I was worse. The doctor almost threatened to send me to the hospital for IVs. Luckily they decided not to yet. To let the meds run their course and see what happens then. 

But, it was clear by Friday evening that I was NOT going to be in any condition to take portraits of babies and children with Santa the next day. Oh, how my heart broke at the thought. But I realized, I needed to call a photographer I could trust to be my replacement. My sister couldn't do it. So then I called a friend from my last church whom I knew would understand. Robin Thackston Photography. She was unable to take it over as well, but she called her daughter, and she WAS available!!! Not only was she available, she had a shoot at 9AM literally 3 minutes from the even Saturday morning! I hated to admit it, but it's like God had it all taken care of, still. That was too perfect. So, Rachael Thackston Photography took over the event, and I hear it was a huge success. Yes, it just ended a couple hours ago. But I had to send someone to go pick up my church decorations, work chair, and backdrop. My dad went for me, and he came back raving, telling me they told him they were busy all day, and had tons of newborns. 

Oh, that hurt. Well, I was thrilled too, of course. But I couldn't help thinking, that was supposed to be MINE!!  I totally sound like a temper-tantrum throwing 2 year old. But I am just being honest. However, Rachael kept reminding me the importance of doing the best thing for my baby. And clearly, I needed to stay home, in bed. My fever finally did break around 12 this afternoon. Thankfully. But I couldn't have gone and risked my baby, and everyone else's baby for my own gain.

She also said that to give my dream over to God for my baby is the most important thing I could do. I knew she was right.  So I did.  I let go of my dream for the health of my baby.

However, the question begs to be answered: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? 

Honestly, I am wondering if God is trying to send me a message. Am I NOT supposed to be in photography? He CLEARLY had today's event all planned out, and excluding me! I don't know.  I guess I'll have to pray through it and try to hear what He is saying. I am sorry if I sound like a whiner. It's not sympathy that I want, just answers from the only One who can give them to me. And writing it out helps me vent. It's just so hard to walk while trying to trust Him, and you think He is guiding your steps and encouraging you in a particular direction. But then, the door slams shut and you're left totally dazed and confused. I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced this. I just hope to learn from it and be able to hear what He wants from me next. I have no idea what to do next.

In the mean time, I thank Santa Clause, Miss LaLa, and Rachael Thackston for all your hard work! Thank you for your flexibility and understanding Santa and Miss LaLa! I am very sorry I couldn't be there. But thank you for rescuing the day, Rachael!

I am TRULY so glad it turned out to be such a great event!

Accepting Baby Steps

Whew!! What a crazy few months it's been!  In the past several months we have moved, had 2 birthday parties, started a new job (hubby), gone on a way-overdue vacation and survived morning sickness with baby #4! Its almost gone, I can feel it! Or maybe I'm just being optimistic because I am soooo ready to get back to shooting!

This is a shot I was so excited to capture! The Lego Statues at Downtown Disney
fascinated me! And apparently the squirrels too!

The lighting on it was tricky though, because I was actually standing under an awning, and the
sun was on the other side of the statue. The first time I shot it, you couldn't see the squirrels at
all for the blow out of light around them. After adjusting for that using all that
I've learned so far ;) I shot this one. Seriously, if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!

In effort to shoot as many new pictures as I can (the more I shoot, the more I learn!) I have decided to create a new goal for myself: From now on, ALL the illustrations on my blog will be using MY OWN pictures! I hope to get creative and shoot some really artistic photos to use for this purpose :) I think my baby sister can help with this too, and it will be great fun working with her on it! Since I not only use this blog to showcase my portrait photography and blog about those stories as well as stories about my own life, I want to tie it all together with the one over-arching theme that seems to cross over into everything I do: Art. I love ALL Art: from paintings to photographs, music, dance, and theatre - it all fascinates me. It always has. This seems to be a common bond for many of us on a universal level. So this will be the common thread I hope you see throughout all the posts, both the professional and personal ones :)

On that note, I am getting really excited, and honestly humbled, by the direction my photography is taking. In December last year I wrote a post about desperately trying to hear God, and what He's calling me to do in life. I felt unfulfilled because I had not found that yet, and I was aching to be in the middle of His will. Some of you may relate to this, others may not. But I think all of us, regardless of beliefs, desire to feel a sense of accomplishment. When we do something we love, we feel it with our entire being, and we effect others in a positive way. When we don't, we dread every second of it and effect others in a negative way.

So I began searching for what my calling might be. I felt so lost because my passions lead in so many different directions. However, little did I realize that God was going to lead me there! It was just going to take a series of tiny little baby steps.  Now, as I look back at just the past 10 months, I can see God's fingerprints on everything that has happened! Which only makes me SOOOO excited about the steps to come. But let me back up and explain:

• The update on that post mentions about how in the short months between the original post and the updates, I met so many photographers willing and excited to help me and I had learned so much it was overwhelming (in a very good way!)
• One of those photographers took me on as a mentor and walked me through so much! She even invited me to help her on a newborn shoot.
• One of the other photographers, a great friend from high-school I was able to reconnect with, has been an endless source of information, patiently answering all my questions and offering all the advice she can think of. Then SHE invited me to a family portrait session with her! It was such a great learning experience!!
• Then I started practicing on family and friends, and their response was greater than I ever expected coming from my first few "professional" shoots. (I've been shooting since I was 13, but never under the intention of doing it professionally until now.)
• Suddenly I had people asking me to book session after session! All in a matter of 8 or so months!! I honestly never dreamed of it going so well. The only thing I can say is that God has been behind it all. There is no other explanation. 
• Then I had the idea (out of "nowhere" ... ahem... so like God) to join forces with my good friend Santa Claus for a special portrait event. I was unsure if he would be able to attend though, seeing as he gets incredibly busy this time of year! However, he loved the idea and was willing to make room in his schedule to come down and join us! All I had to do was find a location to host us...
• Then, tada! It the idea for the perfect place to host Santa for portraits falls into my lap: Miss LaLa's Treehouse, now called The Arts @ West Cobb! They are all about ALL THE ARTS!!! How fitting!!! 

When I called them, they loved the idea! And so now, I have a great opportunity to join forces with a company who is not only willing to host us for Christmas but would also like to host us for a Halloween/Fall portrait session and see why else our paths might have Purposely crossed! I meet with her tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know the details we work out. But all I can say is that I could never have imagined all these baby steps were even possible, let alone that I would be walking them.

Why am I sharing all this with you??

We all have dreams. Some of you dream about photography like me! (I hope to "pay it forward" and help you as others have helped me! Email me for more info!) The rest of you long after a myriad of other dreams. One of my goals with this blog is to inspire you to dream them, and do whatever it takes to follow them. Even if it takes itty bitty almost invisible baby steps. You never know where you will be a year from now if you do. But if you never try, you'll never reach it. God plants those dreams in our hearts! He wants SO MUCH MORE FOR US than we can ever imagine!