Cheetohs from a New Perspective

Oh yes!!! I CANNOT WAIT to share this one!!!!!  Look at these:

A tempting plate of Cheetohs. Yum.

Until R decides to share his insight on this usually tasty, cheesy snack:

"Did you ever notice how they make Cheetohs the same shape as poop? It's like we're eating orange, cheese flavored mini poop!"

Ugh! Craving cured! I will never look at a Cheetoh in the same way again. Will you?

R, however, proceeds to pop one in his mouth and declared "Yum! Orange Mini Poop!"

Letting Go of A Dream

Too often, life doesn't go the way we planned.  It is a hard reality to accept. My kids balk "It's NOT FAIR!!" And I want to scream it, too. Though, I know it will do no good.

I don't even know why I am writing this post other than it is, once again, therapeutic. My heart is so heavy right now, it hurts. But that sounds so silly. Nobody died this time. Except my dream.

Oh, I sound sooo dramatic! I'm sorry! But let me explain.

For months I have been planning a Private Portrait Session with Santa. It turned into a great, big fun event at The @ Arts at West Cobb. Miss LaLa had planned an entire Holiday Party to break in the Holidays with, and the excitement was real! She had crafts, games, music, food and even a Magic Show planned! All that while we would be taking unique custom portraits with Santa during 15 minute private sessions. As the date neared (which was today, November 20) I got more and more excited, and nervous as well. But I had ideas just exploding out of me, and I literally could not wait. 

There were a few hurdles to jump. First, the decorations I had secured were lost. The home decor store who was going to supply them backed out 10 days before the event! I quickly found decorations, thanks to my wonderful church Burnt Hickory Baptist Church. But then, we HAD to find a Santa Chair!!! I called dozens of places. They all were either out of stock of the right kind of chair, or waaaay too expensive and unwilling to help with their price.  However, just 3 days before the event, as always, God comes through!  The company I have worked for, wow, for over 8 years, allowed me to use a chair in their front lobby! It was perfect! A burgundy wing-back chair with gold stud accents. Thank you Freedom Electronics!!

Since it all came together so perfectly, and God seemed to be ushering it all in, I thought, this was really it!! My big kick-off event!!! The opportunity I've been waiting for to get my photography business up and running. 

See, I was overwhelmed and truly honored by the response I received after I shot several maternity sessions and a newborn sessions over the summer. The momentum was really starting to pick up. Then, pregnancy nausea hit me like a ton of bricks and literally knocked me off my feet. I had to cancel, put off, and reschedule so many sessions. Oh, it was so hard. But I had to put baby first. After last year's miscarriage, I could not risk pushing myself for my own gain. 

Then, Thursday (November 18) was my birthday. And I woke up SICK. Sooooo sick. Actually, it started the night before, I had an almost 102 degree fever. I called my doctor right away and she said "TO BED!! I'll call you in a prescription, drink gobs of fluids, and take Tylenol around the clock until your fever breaks. Until it does, STAY IN BED!!"  By Thursday I was worse, had to cancel my fun, once-a-year birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. But, I thought, if I rest, hopefully I will be better by the weekend. 

      NOPE.

By Friday I was worse. The doctor almost threatened to send me to the hospital for IVs. Luckily they decided not to yet. To let the meds run their course and see what happens then. 

But, it was clear by Friday evening that I was NOT going to be in any condition to take portraits of babies and children with Santa the next day. Oh, how my heart broke at the thought. But I realized, I needed to call a photographer I could trust to be my replacement. My sister couldn't do it. So then I called a friend from my last church whom I knew would understand. Robin Thackston Photography. She was unable to take it over as well, but she called her daughter, and she WAS available!!! Not only was she available, she had a shoot at 9AM literally 3 minutes from the even Saturday morning! I hated to admit it, but it's like God had it all taken care of, still. That was too perfect. So, Rachael Thackston Photography took over the event, and I hear it was a huge success. Yes, it just ended a couple hours ago. But I had to send someone to go pick up my church decorations, work chair, and backdrop. My dad went for me, and he came back raving, telling me they told him they were busy all day, and had tons of newborns. 

Oh, that hurt. Well, I was thrilled too, of course. But I couldn't help thinking, that was supposed to be MINE!!  I totally sound like a temper-tantrum throwing 2 year old. But I am just being honest. However, Rachael kept reminding me the importance of doing the best thing for my baby. And clearly, I needed to stay home, in bed. My fever finally did break around 12 this afternoon. Thankfully. But I couldn't have gone and risked my baby, and everyone else's baby for my own gain.

She also said that to give my dream over to God for my baby is the most important thing I could do. I knew she was right.  So I did.  I let go of my dream for the health of my baby.

However, the question begs to be answered: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? 

Honestly, I am wondering if God is trying to send me a message. Am I NOT supposed to be in photography? He CLEARLY had today's event all planned out, and excluding me! I don't know.  I guess I'll have to pray through it and try to hear what He is saying. I am sorry if I sound like a whiner. It's not sympathy that I want, just answers from the only One who can give them to me. And writing it out helps me vent. It's just so hard to walk while trying to trust Him, and you think He is guiding your steps and encouraging you in a particular direction. But then, the door slams shut and you're left totally dazed and confused. I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced this. I just hope to learn from it and be able to hear what He wants from me next. I have no idea what to do next.

In the mean time, I thank Santa Clause, Miss LaLa, and Rachael Thackston for all your hard work! Thank you for your flexibility and understanding Santa and Miss LaLa! I am very sorry I couldn't be there. But thank you for rescuing the day, Rachael!

I am TRULY so glad it turned out to be such a great event!

Accepting Baby Steps

Whew!! What a crazy few months it's been!  In the past several months we have moved, had 2 birthday parties, started a new job (hubby), gone on a way-overdue vacation and survived morning sickness with baby #4! Its almost gone, I can feel it! Or maybe I'm just being optimistic because I am soooo ready to get back to shooting!

This is a shot I was so excited to capture! The Lego Statues at Downtown Disney
fascinated me! And apparently the squirrels too!

The lighting on it was tricky though, because I was actually standing under an awning, and the
sun was on the other side of the statue. The first time I shot it, you couldn't see the squirrels at
all for the blow out of light around them. After adjusting for that using all that
I've learned so far ;) I shot this one. Seriously, if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!

In effort to shoot as many new pictures as I can (the more I shoot, the more I learn!) I have decided to create a new goal for myself: From now on, ALL the illustrations on my blog will be using MY OWN pictures! I hope to get creative and shoot some really artistic photos to use for this purpose :) I think my baby sister can help with this too, and it will be great fun working with her on it! Since I not only use this blog to showcase my portrait photography and blog about those stories as well as stories about my own life, I want to tie it all together with the one over-arching theme that seems to cross over into everything I do: Art. I love ALL Art: from paintings to photographs, music, dance, and theatre - it all fascinates me. It always has. This seems to be a common bond for many of us on a universal level. So this will be the common thread I hope you see throughout all the posts, both the professional and personal ones :)

On that note, I am getting really excited, and honestly humbled, by the direction my photography is taking. In December last year I wrote a post about desperately trying to hear God, and what He's calling me to do in life. I felt unfulfilled because I had not found that yet, and I was aching to be in the middle of His will. Some of you may relate to this, others may not. But I think all of us, regardless of beliefs, desire to feel a sense of accomplishment. When we do something we love, we feel it with our entire being, and we effect others in a positive way. When we don't, we dread every second of it and effect others in a negative way.

So I began searching for what my calling might be. I felt so lost because my passions lead in so many different directions. However, little did I realize that God was going to lead me there! It was just going to take a series of tiny little baby steps.  Now, as I look back at just the past 10 months, I can see God's fingerprints on everything that has happened! Which only makes me SOOOO excited about the steps to come. But let me back up and explain:

• The update on that post mentions about how in the short months between the original post and the updates, I met so many photographers willing and excited to help me and I had learned so much it was overwhelming (in a very good way!)
• One of those photographers took me on as a mentor and walked me through so much! She even invited me to help her on a newborn shoot.
• One of the other photographers, a great friend from high-school I was able to reconnect with, has been an endless source of information, patiently answering all my questions and offering all the advice she can think of. Then SHE invited me to a family portrait session with her! It was such a great learning experience!!
• Then I started practicing on family and friends, and their response was greater than I ever expected coming from my first few "professional" shoots. (I've been shooting since I was 13, but never under the intention of doing it professionally until now.)
• Suddenly I had people asking me to book session after session! All in a matter of 8 or so months!! I honestly never dreamed of it going so well. The only thing I can say is that God has been behind it all. There is no other explanation. 
• Then I had the idea (out of "nowhere" ... ahem... so like God) to join forces with my good friend Santa Claus for a special portrait event. I was unsure if he would be able to attend though, seeing as he gets incredibly busy this time of year! However, he loved the idea and was willing to make room in his schedule to come down and join us! All I had to do was find a location to host us...
• Then, tada! It the idea for the perfect place to host Santa for portraits falls into my lap: Miss LaLa's Treehouse, now called The Arts @ West Cobb! They are all about ALL THE ARTS!!! How fitting!!! 

When I called them, they loved the idea! And so now, I have a great opportunity to join forces with a company who is not only willing to host us for Christmas but would also like to host us for a Halloween/Fall portrait session and see why else our paths might have Purposely crossed! I meet with her tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know the details we work out. But all I can say is that I could never have imagined all these baby steps were even possible, let alone that I would be walking them.

Why am I sharing all this with you??

We all have dreams. Some of you dream about photography like me! (I hope to "pay it forward" and help you as others have helped me! Email me for more info!) The rest of you long after a myriad of other dreams. One of my goals with this blog is to inspire you to dream them, and do whatever it takes to follow them. Even if it takes itty bitty almost invisible baby steps. You never know where you will be a year from now if you do. But if you never try, you'll never reach it. God plants those dreams in our hearts! He wants SO MUCH MORE FOR US than we can ever imagine! 

My Inspirations

There they are. My inspirations. R, my creative thinker, K my passionate sensitive one, and C, the Princess. 

They inspire me for everything!!!  To live life to the fullest, to cherish the little moments in life, and to believe when there is no reason to. 


They are also the reason I fell in love with photography. You can read that how that journey unfolded here. 


Mostly, they inspire me to love. I love how unconditionally they love. I want to be like them when I grow up ;)

A Sad Birthday

Today is my due date. Or, it would have been my due date if I had carried to term. And it is hitting me harder than I thought it would.


This is an unexpected turn of events for me. I thought I had dealt with the pain, and received a beautiful gift of peace and assurance.  
Coping with miscarriage is never easy, but I believe I grew closer to my God and family through it. Then I thought I was done. Finished with the grief, at peace with the loss and ready to move on.

But the date June 19, 2010 loomed ahead, yet I was sure I would remain un-phased.


Now, here it is and I am feeling surprisingly shaky. I still know my baby Camryn is with God, waiting to be joined by the rest of us when our time comes. I know we will meet one day. I know it is not my fault. And I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. My head knows all of this. Still, my heart yearns for my baby.


I don't know why  I am writing about this. It is awful and painful and yucky. Still, I felt the need to share it with you. Maybe one day a hurting mother-to-have-been will stumble across it and find hope in the grief. It is a process, I am learning. One that we have to go through or we will never heal. It is OK to grieve.  Actually, it is healthier to grieve. But do so with hope.


Also, I really needed to acknowledge to the world that I have a baby in heaven, and that baby hasn't been forgotten. Though we miss having her here with us physically, the rest of the world has forgotten we had a 4th because they can't see her amongst our other children. But I always will. Especially on June 19th. So, today we will celebrate the brief time we got to share with her, and focus on the hope we have that we will meet her one day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Baby Camryn!!! We Love You 

and can't wait to meet you.

.

.

.

.

Random thoughts =)

I think too much. I really do! That is part of why it takes me so long to edit pictures. Or really, why it takes me so long to do anything! I over-think everything! That, and I'm a perfectionist.

I spoke with a friend recently who is so not like this and she told me "just don't do it!"

Hmm, I wish it was that easy. But even attempting not to is to fight agains the very core of my being! How does one overcome that?

No clue.

Just a random thought.

If you have any insight on this, please share!

Cutting Grass and Conquering Fears

My youngest son, JP, loves to help. His favorite thing to help with is cutting the grass. One of the first phrases he said when he started talking was "Pawpaw cut grass?" He would say it as soon as he saw Pawpaw put on his straw hat... his grass-cutting hat! Then he would run and get his little lawn mower to help. He has continued this fascination now for almost 2 years!

So I was really excited when he sat still enough for me to shoot this picture! It truly captures a memorable moment. This is a shot I got one day when he was "taking a break" from helping Pawpaw. I loved how he was just looking out at the overgrown grass in the backyard. What was running through his little mind? He got quiet & pensive and just stared!  (Which if you know JP, you know is RARE! The boy is hardly ever still!) But we attribute that to his passion. The boy is incredibly passionate, and he has no fear! He actually inspires me to act more on my passions.

For example, photography has long been a passion of mine, but fear has kept me from pursuing it. Fear also kept me from trying out for my high school musical and the school of music in college, but yay! Here I am years later finally pursuing a passion. Better late then never, huh?!  Yet, even now fear threatens to stop me: I had my first maternity portraits shoot this past Tuesday and boy was I ever nervous. My friend who was modeling was so patient and encouraging though so I was able to make it through the shoot. However, when I got home and viewed the pictures, I was disappointed in myself and the results I got.  They just didn't look how I pictured them in my head. I found myself thinking that maybe I should just stick to photographing my own kids and ditch this whole becoming-a-photographer thing.

But something has changed inside me... I want to keep going! A large part of that is the incredible amount of encouragement I am receiving from my sweet hubby and several great friends (one of whom IS a photographer!!). Another reason is that I see the whole world before my kids and I truly believe they can do anything God calls them to do, and would be heartbroken if they let fear stand in their way.  But how can I encourage them to conquer their fears & pursue their God-given passions if I don't do the same? So here I go... pushing through the fear. I promise to post those maternity pics if you want to see them.

*********Update*************
They are done! Click here if you'd like to see some of those maternity shots!